twenty_eight_unfinished


	twenty_eight_unfinished_sentences
The Trireme	1. I still remember when... 2. The color of cloudiness is like... 3. Bathwater intrigues Mister... 4. Gwendolyn of Artaxata is so very... 5. Letting your hand clasp my elbow is... 6. Do remember to assert... 7. If I wasn't a buzzard I would... 8. Dreams of a hairless yeti promolugate... 9. When the mail arrives... 10. My favorite thing about plate armor is... 11. Whirling pools couldn't drag me... 12. As a spleen reaps, so a spleen... 13. Crepe paper never really knew my... 14. Eventually... 15. Someday I'll write a dissertation on... 16. Ganymede, O sweet bearer of... 17. Primitive kinesthetics involved a... 18. The vanguard of icicle-liking was... 19. When I was a... 20. Chanted songs often demurely... 21. You... 22. I've often babbled about... 23. Wriggling into snugglous positions... 24. The twenty-fourth unfinished... 25. Tethered onions escape most... 26. A canyon a day keeps the... 27. Leap first and you will look... 28. Once upon a slime there was...	060227
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in a silent way	i'm surprised no one ever took a crack at this. well then... (1) i still remember when an unexpected hug became unbalanced and drifted into free-fall, and i had to throw out my hands to steady both leaning bodies by pushing off of a wall that was thankfully within reaching distance. it was a strange moment on valentine's day three years ago. she showed up unannounced when we weren't on good terms, and the hug caught me by surprise. hence the falling. (2) the colour of cloudiness is like a tepid mist. tepid in the sense of being "lukewarm", not disinterested...though i guess it could be that too. it's difficult to tell sometimes, with colours that are more atmosphere than colour. (3) bathwater intrigued my childhood cat [had to change the tense there]. she was always investigating, giving off the impression that she wanted to join me in the tub. i picked her up once and brought her in the water with me, thinking she would enjoy it. she didn't. but i wish i had a picture of the way she looked while drying off, the fur on her head all mussed, a very human expression of irritation frozen on her face. (4) gewndolyn of artaxata is so very uncouth. the elders are growing so displeased with her that they may soon be calling for her to be cast out and thrust deep into the pit of soft-bellied thornpigs, from whence no lady or savage man has ever emerged unscathed. pray that she develops some etiquette and it doesn't come to that. (5) letting your hand clasp my elbow is a good way to get to know all about the inner workings of my mind, for the synovial hinge joint is where all my secret hopes and desires choose to dwell. (6) do remember to assert yourself when confronted with angry chipmunks; they'll walk all over you if they sense any weakness at all. (7) if i wasn't a buzzard, i would not sound so much like a cat, what with my plaintive call of "peea-ay" and all. (8) dreams of a hairless yeti promolugate increased attention to the inner fibrous workings of the scalp. trust me on this one. (9) when the mail arrives, i'll be dancing the meringue. (10) my favourite thing about plate armor is the scent. much like inhabiting a brand new car, nothing compares to slipping into a fresh new suit of armor and feeling it hug all your best and worst bits together. (11) whirling pools couldn't drag me to an early grave, so i took up smoking in an effort to placate them. they just looked so depressed in the aftermath of their failure, all whirling and fey. i quit a few days later. (12) as a spleen reaps, so a spleen triangulates. (13) crepe paper never really knew my weakness. which is a shame, because i always felt it would have been amusing to be able to say, "ach! my arch-nemesis — crepe paper!" (14) eventually you wind your way back to an appreciation for the simple things. to a time before sexting and facebook stalking rendered all meaningful personal interaction uncool and irrelevant. oh, wait...maybe you don't. enjoy your sexting, then. (15) someday i'll write a dissertation on the secret lives of fire ants. they're much deeper thinkers than most would have you believe. (16) ganymede, o sweet bearer of oranges — i plead with thee to grant me nails with which to peel your succulent gifts, so that i may not stoop to tearing at them with my teeth in your presence. (17) primitive kinesthetics involved a basketball being thrown repeatedly at the head of a baby goat. the goat, even in its infancy, proved too much of an adapt, and soon gave the sadistic instructor a pelvic injury that lingers to this day. you don't fuck with baby goats. (18) the vanguard of icicle-liking was my favourite vacation spot as a child. i always felt a strange, inexplicable affection for icicles there. but once, i misread the sign, and in my haste i wandered into the vanguard of icicle-licking by mistake. my tongue was very cold that day. some nights when the wind picks up, i can feel that chill move through me still. (19) when i was an only child, i would pray for rain. i was left of the middle with a spastic brain. when the rain arrived, i was fast asleep, swimming in molasses that was ten feet deep. (20) chanted songs often demurely conjure the unmistakable urge to procreate in studied silence. (21) you must be getting bored with all of this by now. you'll be glad to know we're nearing the end. (22) i've often babbled about the act of babbling itself, because it's always enjoyable to be reductive and "meta" in the presence of humanistic cauliflower. (23) wriggling into snugglous positions is one of the finest things to do with a significant other, or a disgruntled professor of numerology. (24) the twenty-fourth unfinished sentence should have something to do with acorns, and it should end with a might period after being followed by another brief sentence. so it is, and so it does. (25) tethered onions escape most summers to a cooler climate, where they unwind and free themselves from enslavement, only to be abducted by enterprising culinary practitioners who catch them in the act of attempting to free their imprisoned brethren. (26) a canyon a day keeps the pocket watch well-fed. (27) leap first and you will look rather foolish once it becomes clear what you've leapt into. one should always throw a penny over one's shoulder before leaping. incidentally, my browser is attempting to convince me that "leaped" is the proper past-tense permutation of "leap". to the browser i say, "bite my posterior thrice." (28) once upon a slime, there was a list of twenty eight unfinished sentences that sat unattended in the deep blue sea of blather for nigh on seven years. one day a random blatherskite stumbled upon this list and thought, "this could be fun." little did they know the sentence fragments would lead to progressively more ridiculous answers. against all odds, every sentence found its missing piece, and twenty eight marriage ceremonies were held simultaneously within the belly of a beached whale. all combined sentence fragments lived in grudging semi-happiness, until ennui set in and adultery occurred. the end.	130106
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in a silent way	i pause to note that the word "might" in #24 was meant to be "mighty". my fingers will now be punished accordingly.	130106
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in a silent way	i also realize now that i screwed up #3 a little, dropping "mister" without realizing it. and maybe "answers" wasn't the right word for that last one, because there were no questions. hell, it was fun anyway, mistakes and all.	130106
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epitome of incomprehensibility	1. I still remember when I taught penguins with human hands how to fly. 2. The color of cloudiness is like the colour grey in the UK, Canada, and many other degenerate, unnecessary nations. 3. Bathwater intrigues Mister Happy, so much that he named his penis Dave. 4. Gwendolyn of Artaxata is so very naïve, she could be a penguin. 5. Letting your hand clasp my elbow is kind of frustrating, but I have to remember you don’t know how to fly yet. 6. Do remember to assert that in math, square is radical. 7. If I wasn't a buzzard I would sing to you in seven different languages. 8. Dreams of a hairless yeti promolugate theories of the convoluzoplexication of the universe. 9. When the mail arrives, I hope that the Nature Conservancy of Canada gives me free stickers, but not so many that I feel obligated to save the grizzly bear. 10. My favorite thing about plate armor is that I can deflect the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune! 11. Whirling pools couldn't drag me into Oz; I went back there myself in a hot air balloon. 12. As a spleen reaps, so a spleen affects the blood platelet count. 13. Crepe paper never really knew my signature, evidently, since it kept wrinkling it up. 14. Eventually, I’ll decide I like card paper better and never look back. 15. Someday I'll write a dissertation on dessert; it deserves one. 16. Ganymede, O sweet bearer of slash fiction, hast thou declared eternal war on semicolons? 17. Primitive kinesthetics involved a knee-bend and some crepe-paper decorations. 18. The vanguard of icicle-liking was a website devoted to winter-themed fetishes. 19. When I was a buzzard, I used to do surveys for money. 20. Chanted songs often demurely shift into polyphony. 21. You ate my heart, you monster. 22. I've often babbled about brooks, but they don’t babble back. 23. Wriggling into snugglous positions, the sardines prepared to be euthanized. 24. The twenty-fourth unfinished Beethoven symphony was performed in heaven recently, with John Lennon on the theramin. 25. Tethered onions escape most philosophers’ contemplations, and I don’t think this apathy should continue. 26. A canyon a day keeps the tethered onions away, but what happen to the apathy? 27. Leap first and you will look prepared, because your confidence creates a convincing façade. 28. Once upon a slime there was a reluctance to invade Libya unless the mission were clear and covered in saliva, so why am I listening to the radio and what the minister of tourism has to say?	130108
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Doar	wait a minute, second, microtimeelapse... degenerate and unnecessary....ooo.. my blatherrespectmeter just jitterbugged. (yeah get over it and look the word up). .	130108
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Doar	although degenerate does fit. .	130108
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in a silent way	teaching penguins with human hands how to fly! yes! ::: applause :::	130108
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e_o_i	All nations are unnecessary and degenerate! All of them! I was kidding about the winter-themed fetishes, but during my Saturday city walk I saw a storefront called Boutique Erotika. It had a glossy window poster with an icy landscape a woman in a white crystal dress holding a wand (not one of their toys, I hope - the ice part looks kind of sharp.) Because "glittery winter fairy" is everyone's fantasy, isn't it?	131119
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e_o_i	(There's supposed to be an "and" in the second-last sentence. Or maybe I've made twenty-nine unfinished sentences now? Terrible!)	131119