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depression happens. everyone gets sad or low or deflated in spirit from time to time and that's the way it is. we're human. but. i believe it should be a temporary condition removed by our own volition.
the way i do it is sing to myself, or put on some crazyass music and dance, take a walk, drive somewhere, work in the garden, read, ask somebody a question, fantasize, ski, swim, surf, write, play around with the animals, talk with children, get out some paper and make something for someone, there's so much one can do...you just need to get the focus off yourself and the propensity to beat yourself up, long enough to see we're here, in this world, to love. and the time is now.
however, it's not that easy.
when i was fifteen, my dad was diagnosed a manic-depressive. some of the reasons for this "disease" were obvious like the fact he was an alcoholic. it's proven that vitamin c and several of the b's are depleted with alcohol consumption. therefore, his ability to deal with stress and bounce back from depressing influences was severely limited and challenged.
but why did he decide to drink? what was he trying to escape from? something in his recent past or way back in his childhood? because he never found value in himself? who knows? he ended up institutionalized for a time during my years in high school. they pumped all manner of scripts into his bloodstream and he turned into a zombie. they released him because they couldn't help him.
he became delusional, had hallucinations, and eventually attempted suicide. i was in my bedroom with a girlfriend one saturday morning, (my poor mom, she let me do what i want because she felt bad for me, i guess) and i heard my mom screaming. she found my dad unconscious from an intentional overdose of medication. fortunately i had just passed a cpr course in health class and started working on him immediately. he ended up vomiting in my face. but, he lived.
so maybe being so close to "real" depression, i am more aware of its devastation and tragic possibilities. my dad eventually received shock therapy, about the same time i turned to God. something broke, he never had another drink, and in a few years time he became the happiest person in the world. seriously.
it was a miracle. eventually i spent a few years working with him side by side in our own gardening business. it was the best years of his life and i learned so much about happiness just watching him. he could talk to anyone and they would be his friend in five minutes. he was so thrilled to have a new life, to have escaped the bondage of depression. it's interesting, because he died one year ago to this day. and people don't really remember him for his depression, it's his recovery they talk about and what he did with his life afterwards, how he gave, how he celebrated, how he loved.
i don't really think people want to be depressed. but it's easy to give into it because it takes a strong-willed effort to shake it off and come out of it. it requires an admittance that you have a problem. i think most depression involves some kind of substance abuse. alcohol, pills, smack, fags, even too much weed.
our physical bodies can put up with the shit for only so long until they start overloading and then you start breaking down. it's a fucking trap.
you lose your appetite and all efforts at nutrition go to hell. it really does matter what you put in your body. eating balanced whole foods, preferably organic, and taking smart supplements is where it's at. you have to replace what you lose, or you'll spiral down.
happiness isn't just mental, it's paying attention to pH, bloodtype, and all the various nutrients necessary for stress management.
i'm no fucking doctor. it's just common sense.
people are depressed for a shitload of reasons, but most of them that can be whittled down to what they put in their mouths. even the reasons that deal with self-esteem, childhood trauma, or misunderstandings of purpose, etc., can be traced to chemical inbalances in the brain attributed to nutritional deficiencies.
"oblivion is what you want, but you've been loved. what are you going to do with your life?" ~joseph arthur, from 'redemption's son................................
smash the fucking mirror. stop looking at who you aren't. learn to see who you are in the reflection of others. you have something to give. something that someone else needs. and through this delicate balance, you will find happiness. someone will give it to you. people gravitate towards inner beauty. we all love the person that can pull back the curtains we draw around ourselves.
your soul is a garden. fucking dig it. plant it up. tend it. make it beautiful so people will want to come in and chill. so they pick something and take it home.
i try to see the whole picture. i think our time on this earth is so short in comparison to what is to come after our death. no one knows what will happen when we die. it's all based on speculation, faith, belief. fill in the blank. but no one can deny we came from something, someone, somewhere, somehow. we were first an idea that is based on an origin. and it's my belief that i'm returning to that place i started. and so i question my reason for being here. just like everyone does. why spend it trying to escape? or blurring its recognition? depression sucks. it does. everyone wants happiness. everyone wants to feel loved. if i'm going to be here for a certain time, i'm going to find out what i can do to make it worthwhile. i'm going to discover what i can do to make someone else happy. one day, one moment at a time. (if you have a chance, read tolstoy's 'three questions.') it's all about the moment and what we have to give.
i don't know shit. but, i want to. i still drink too much. i blow it with people. i'm not always there when they need me, sometimes i am. but i still fucking try and i do know it will be an endless cycle until i'm six foot under.
sad, happy... and then who knows, once the spirit is free from this body?
i look forward to it without a drop of fear.
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