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flowerock.
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And now we've married_eachother.
Whatever it means to be married, I am grateful, honored, ecstatic, fortunate, HAPPY to be married to you. Our little wedding was perfect for us. We had rings custom made by an artist friend. A friend leant us her beautiful dress, another friend did my hair and makeup fancier than its ever been done (actually for the first timevereally). You looked so handsome with your hair and little bit of face fur :) wearing my favorite shirt. We found our favorite tree around and kissed in it, practiced siniwali in our wedding clothes and ate decadent chocolate with friends and family.
It started with you sleeping at the end of the bed many years ago... just my boyfriend's interesting and kind of weird friend. Then I didn't really see you, just in passing around town as one relationship ended for me and another began, it never should have started really... I should have some how known I'd love you sooner. I found that bringing you bags of yarn was much more fun than going straight home from work, and that's really all I did, we didn't talk much those times, did we even hug or touch at all? I can't remember... I can't imagine you not hugging me, but maybe we didn't, maybe we knew it wouldn't stay just a hug? But I had no idea really that I would feel that way, I didn't feel that way, I felt so much chaos that the present was always buried in it for me. So I brought you yarn, I saved it up in my truck, bagged in satisfactory amounts so that I could stop by more often without being weird. It was fun to deliver yarn, you'd always be so happy to see me and to have it. Sometimes you weren't home so I'd leave little notes on the bags to be waiting for you when you got home.
Finally that horrible idea of a relationship and a misguided marriage came to an end and I plunged into a new_chaos. A manichaos of new found freedom and loss. I sought direction in an old lover who proved to be the perfect catalyst to my transition of hell back into life. He helped remind me who I was and what I was worth, where I came from and that I could be loved. He helped me push open the gates to the sky and the universe of rainbow_light and love. Our connection had faded though. There was still a lot of love and entanglement, but we'd grown into new versions of ourselves and the fire didn't ignite the same way, we'd missed our connections in that respect.
When I saw you again after all that, you invited me to stay with you in your tiny apartment, me and all my stuff too. So I moved in, with plans to move out shortly after, to a place with the aforementioned old love... but that didn't work out, even though we were all trying to work it out... I fell in love with you, found myself so attached to you that I could not consider being apart from you, not even for him, and I thought at the time that he was the one. I did. Turned out that you were the one all along though. I couldn't leave your side, when the night came that it would be the last night sleeping next to you before I moved, I cried and couldn't imagine it... despite my excitement to have my own place with someone I'd missed so painfully for years, I'd cried so many tears and beat my heart to a pulp... I wanted to stay with you, I didn't want you to be alone either. Things flowed just right, flowed us right into eachother and flowed him to where he needed to be too.
I remember after moving in one night making love and then both crying for a very long time... it was a beautiful and messy experience, inside and out... I'd started my period during sex and was wearing some silly lacey lingerie thing, both of us bloody, sobbing, covered in various goo and holding onto eachother for dear life. Emotional chaos peaked and release and we just experienced that together freely and it was perfect.
We've been on quite a journey, lived in 3 different states together, in an apartment, a van, an rv, with your family, in a cabin/house, in a scam room, in a closet, in another rv... we've seen the ocean and its coast, mountains and meadows, rivers and lakes and streams, news and raccoons, we lived in a forest with a wood stove, we met the giant redwoods and some very cool people all along the way... we adopted a dog and now you love her too : ) even though when we first brought her home she immediately hopped up onto the fancy couch to poop right on top of a brand new skein of neon colored yarn. We've grown together and still love eachother through all the time and experiences. I could not be happier about sharing this life with you, through us. I love your heart, your eyes, your smile, your hands, your whole self. I love making_love together and how we move and smell, I love sleeping next to.you and climbing trees and mountains with you. I even love arguing with you because I learn about myself and you and us each time ; ) I love our doggie snuggled between us. I loveverything about us. I even love your family and yarn and hats and all your *insert a kinder word for junk*. I love myself more with you. I want to be a better person for you, because of you, for me too, because I love you and you love me.
We chose eachother. I choose you every moment, every day, always. Thank you
So much more... but this is the very basic version of our story and I love it.
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