|
| |
the_shameless_duality_of_hope
|
|
|
endless desire
|
every day i wake up with the determination that this one won't go to waste:
that i have the power to control my depression;
that i have the power to alter my negative mind-set
and create something intense and passionate inside of me,
rather than sulk as someone so drained and unfocused.
ive lived on the pure stregnth of hope for too long:
it's so evil and tantalizing, yet so pure and forgiving.
it strings me as along as i place hope in pills and recovery,
in the restoration of the soul, and some sort of encompassing direction
that might appear--a driving force that must be inside of me,
since ive made it this far without ending it all completely.
the heart-shattering part of hope is disappointment:
the complete failure of everything i put effort into.
yet i still rise in the morning, thinking that if i endure
through the motions just this once, i will be rewarded with something much deeper
than simply living, itself. i hate disappointment
much more than i enjoy pleasure that might await, which is why hope is such a
destructive concept. i don't mean to sound defeated already.
i'm still trying to convince myself that it is not natural for me
to have given up on life entirely at seventeen.
1/20/2006
|
061018
|
| |
... |
|
|
Chris aka
|
Hope has no shame. That's for sure. It is worse being hopeless. At least hope can rid you of some ammount of shame. When you lost all hope, shame takes over. I have never had the experience, not for long enough to make ths assertion, so it is just a theory. When you're hopeless you are shameful.
I never seem to go anywhere, yet i still have hope. What is this thing that God has given me. If i didn't have it I would be in the pits of despair by now. Oh well, I still have today and if that fails i have tommorrow. I can't fake excitement
|
061018
|
| |
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
hope is a dirty dirty word
along with love
but my life has cleaned off
those words for me
lately
|
061018
|
