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state_of_craziness_2009
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amy nada
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roughly 50% of it, i think, is born of searching and loneliness. the other half is external -- not having the right kind of luck with the world. assuming of course, that i'm not the ultimate creator of my own experience - "you make your own reality"
feeling more grateful these days, but not in a way that eases enough anxiety about the future. what will happen to me? or, how much effort is required when i'm already pretty spent? am i too old for rebounds? i hope i'm not, but when does that become just a hope and not a reality? if i don't have the energy, is it really a waste? or, is all the waste depleting my energy? those sorts of questions.
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091123
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unhinged
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i don't cry nearly as much as i used to
anger still bubbles up more than i'd like
but overall
the end of 2009 is turning out
much better than the beginning
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091123
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unhinged
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(i finally truly believe my own inherent goodness)
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091123
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Ouroboros
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emotional roller coaster, often I cry for no reason at all, or very little tings set me off. I think it's a side effect of having more time to be with and be myself, and all the exploration of my patterns and past that comes with grad school
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091123
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Lemon_Soda
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I'm growing up constantly and it still hurts. Not that scratching, kicking love you get from a dear friend that means they are there for you, but that sinking heave that takes place around 3 minutes before you start puking.
But you never puke.
So it just hurts. And everyone looks at me weird...unless I'm smiling.
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091123
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