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littleidiot
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ohgoodnessohgoodnessohgoodness.
ok...think...think, you crazy, crazy bum... dont let emotions control your life, dont let anything consume you, coz you're more than that, and dont worry about anything, nothing, no, let yourself be isolated or contained or liberated or expelled or whatever...just be, and lighten up, and everything will be fine everything will make sense eventually in the end, it may be hard to believe now, or tomorrow, or next year, but believe it coz its all you've got and all youll ever have.
believe. be-leave.
leave.
leaf.
laugh.
light.
lockpick turn the key open the door discover something for once sick of all this repetitive shit your own damn fault cant seem to break free cant seem to transcend anything worthwhile anymore and blatherblatherblatherblatherblatherblatherblatherblatherstop and blather some more coz its good for you and makes you feel like you're getting out some feelings some emotions and even if youre not as long as you're convinced that you are then it really shouldnt be a problem now should it? embrace that, you crazy crazy lunatic of a twisting turning thrashing entity of tranquility oh GOODNESS gracious me its not worrrking.... its not WORRRKING so what the hell a00000001223456789back to0hcrudeverythingismeldingtogetherandicantfeelmytoes oh goodness. this hoooooolllllllllllyyyyyy reality maynard tries to make it all better, makes it all better temporarily but we cant be forever listening to tool now can we? cant always be convinced that all this pain is an illusion and transmutating leaden grudges into gold is the best damn advice i have ever, ever heard, but like many things FAR MORE easier said than done... plus way more FUN to say coz its so pretty, so perfect, so smart, and WHAT THE BLOODY HELLL how does he do that i'd really like to get in HIS brain, out of mine and discover trains of thought that arent black and blue and torn apart from the inside, but if i ever tore apart his ahh fuckit this is so crazy but im just gonna keep typing, im just kgonna keep it up coz i wnat to get out of reality and this is an escape, i guess, coz nobody is around and marijuana isnt always fun to smoke when your alone and too much beer leads to alcoholism which is unhealthy and we DONT WANT TO BE UNHEALTHY now, do we, nono, certainly not, that wouldn't be good at awwwwwwwwwwwwwwfuckingshitgoddamnpisshell there is sooooooooooo muchhhhhhh goinggggggggg onnnnnnnn i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant even imagine the possibilities the variables the further insanity hahaha oh shitshitshisthsithist.thist. sthist. sthist is not what it appears to be, nothing ever really is, its all miscalculated half-truths in this hopeless world of ooops..more depressing tangents, im supposed to stay off of those, i think.
shit.
shit and
damn
and
piss and
fucking
christalmighty
whaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt double-you-aitch-eh-tee i could go for some green herbal right about now it would be really sweet but far too expensive and im running out of money and that cant be good for the convenience store.
mars bars and snickers and chocolates of all kinds but nothing really compares to the why am i even bothering? whyohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy do i do this to myself, its like i cant control it but i can but i cant but i can but i cant but i cant SHUT UP and its bound to be making people look at me like im some kind of lunatic, which is understandable, coz i think i am, and its .. well.. . there it is.
i am going upstairs.
to write some more things.
that
dont
make
sense.
ok? ok. go then.
going.
gone.
oh goodness.
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021113
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