blather
noun_junkies
dafremen YOU ARE IMPERFECT, YOU ARE UNHAPPY

STUFF WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!

WORK TO BUY STUFF!

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YOU ARE IN DANGER!

YOUR STUFF IS NOT PROTECTED.

WORK TO BUY SECURITY FOR YOU AND YOUR STUFF.

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YOU'RE NOT DOING YOUR PART!

WE NEED TAX MONEY OR WE'LL TAKE YOUR STUFF.

WORK TO PAY TAXES TO KEEP STUFF.

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YOU'RE UNHAPPY AGAIN!

YOUR STUFF IS OUTDATED.

WORK TO BUY NEWER STUFF.
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daf Noun acquisition is now the biggest pandemic gripping the nation. According to the latest statistics, there are at least 298 million noun junkies in the United States alone. The government has done nothing to curb the numbers. This is unfortunate as the epidemic keeps spreading around the country.

While an overall outlook on the problem puts it in perspective, only a personal outlook is bound to hit home. Unlike heroin, crack cocaine and other known drugs, noun (often called Stuff, Things or Property) is the biggest threat facing us yet: it’s readily available, can be inexpensive and can have far-reaching consequences, both on the body and mind. Have you ever thought of the serious pandemic spreading home? What if a brother, a son or a mother fell prey to this serious addiction? This article deals with these concerns, offering information on addiction, physical and emotional signs and the best way to help loved ones quit the habit.

Getting hooked:

So what drives people to acquire nouns at such unprecedented levels? The answer is three-fold: they can be easy to use, cheap to concoct and can work as an image booster and happiness substitute.

Slave labor and mass conditioning which are major components in noun production are a legal component, high on demand from Asian labor markets and blue collar workers everywhere. Until recently, one could buy these workers over the counter from any employment agency or Chinese bureaucrat. Recent financial calamities in the United States now limit its use, but this has had only little effect. Noun is a psychological jambalaya whose components can be found in education, mass media and even family tradition. Users can set uphome labs” or "workshops" where they can easily make cheap nouns by forming the original ingredients into "things" to feed their habit.

As to its increasing use, it can be attributed to some of the marginal benefits it affords users. It's original use was as a survival aid; easing starvation, thirst and exposure to the elements. These days, nouns are widely used by party goers as an intense posturing accessory and image-booster to enhance their gift-giving experiences. Nouns in smaller sizes have been associated with weight loss and dieting for years.

The problem lies in the ease with which a casual user can get hooked on the drug. Unlike cocaine, for instance, noun directly affects the release of wanta substance that increases cravings. Frequent spikes of want can lead to a strong addiction bordering on obsession.

Noun's toll on the body and brain:

The most disturbing sign of noun addiction is the classic noun-addicts business-like face and collapsed sense of the value of human life. Because noun itself is material and not emotional in nature, it dries out the heart completely. Addicts begin to believe they are suffering fromeverybody wanting to get their stuff.”. This leads to frantic scratching off names from one's friends listsa process generally known as "picking."

Picking can lead to serious self-inflicted wounds, such as loneliness, paranoia and, in extreme cases, agoraphobia. Some physical signs are a manufactured smile, bluetooth headset and/or a cosmetically altered nose, jaw or chestline, expensive vehicles and/or houses. Noun dries out the fun completely and leads to stone grinding of the nose and human compassion collapsing inward. Other symptoms include a flushed appearance, severe weight, boundless greed, deep and excessive sweating and, in some cases, botox paralysis.

On an emotional level, the effects of noun addiction can be equally visible and devastating. Some of the emotional signs of noun abuse include obsession with responsibility, child neglect, and stealing(legally or otherwise) to pay for the drug. Just the thought of acquiring noun can keep a user high for hours, days, even weeks..unlike cocaine or heroin which only last for a couple of hours. For someone on the mend or looking to sustain the habit, this can lead to serious bouts of violence("Give me that stuff or I will.."), paranoia("People are standing between me and..") and suicidal tendencies("I can't go on without my things.")

While any addiction can be difficult to cure, you don’t have to be versed in the intricacies of noun to lend a helping hand. In fact, family support is one of the most important factors in combating the addiction.

If somebody you care about is affected, the best thing to do is acknowledge the addiction and seek professional help. Ignoring the problem or bailing out a noun addict by feeding his habit will only keep him ensnared in the addiction.

Next, you should seek professional help by volunteering with them at a qualified community outreach clinic or noun-specific treatment program which addresses the underlying emotional causes of the addiction. In addition, random acts of monetary charity with no thought to the worthiness of the recipient have been found helpful in providing noun addicts with the perspective they need to recover.

Noun recovery clinics concentrate on relieving want and the emotional response to it. The patient is given noun in adequate doses to relieve cravings and withdrawal symptoms. This aims to recalibrate the patient's sense of compassion and break the cycle of addiction over time. One problem with this approach is that it was designated for the treatment of heroin; cocaine and other known drug addictions. Noun can last for years and lead to a lot of withdrawal and relapses over the long run.

Unlike the traditional “pharmacological” approach to drug addiction, a number of treatment programs are now tailored specifically to deal with addiction to noun. These programs go beyond recalibration to prepare the addict for long-time recovery. The patients are coached individually or in small therapy groups of 4 to 6. They are taught about their addiction, ways to manage their cravings and how to avoid nouns that could trigger a relapse.

Final Word: Family Support is Crucial

To have someone in your family fall prey to noun addiction is tragic and heart-rending. Both the physical and mental strain can trump their desire for a real life and keep them ensnared in the vicious cycle of acquisition. However, they do not have to live with it through the rest of their life. You, as a family member or close friend, can do a lot to help them find a way out of their addiction. Start by facing their addiction head-on and refer them to an appropriate outreach program. Even after they’ve completed their treatment, there is still a lot you can do. Noun cravings take longer to subsidise than any other drug. Your support, guidance and help are required to ensure they turn around their life and stay free from the insidious "stuff" for good.
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dafremen http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s720x720/317447_10150937517070392_782770391_21823014_1351758810_n.jpg 111116
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Shades daf, you are prophet and an instigator, and deep down you are a leader.

You are in the beating of the worlds heart.
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epitome of incomprehensibility I second the metaphorical thumbs-up. This is quite funny and serious. I haven't been around much these few months, and I'm glad we're keepin' it surreal.

...And here I was worried that I use too many adjectives. Then again, if it's a capitalist metaphor we're after, the flowery Victorians brought on the industrial revolution...
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daf This was an actual "Nancy Reagan" type essay on Meth addiction which I used as a MadLib for the satire:

http://www.methhelponline.com/

I would have credited it..but they didn't.
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