blather
my_dear_unhinged
andru235 i have nearly always enjoyed your blathes;

indeed we seem to have observed many similar things albeit in different ways;

but you are not a 'doormat' and you do not deserve to be walked all over as such. if you are a doormat i do suspect you are the worlds first 'internet doormat', but you are surely not;

i am quite certain about my understanding about certain things, but when faced with human contact i invariably find myself trapped into their own strength of belief;

and since people's strength of belief is often low and since many people practice the irritating art of taking others down to raise themselves up, and since i usually find i have unwillingly matched their confidence level but refuse to return such petty gestures, i too have been at times regarded as a doormat;

i have experienced not all, but many, many of the indignations available from ten to mid-twenties (i say ten because it was then that i was buried under the rockslide of 'social programming' and my failure to meet its standards; i am fortunate it was as late as ten because i at least remember some of what i came into this world with before it was stomped, stomped, stomped, stomped, stomped upon; after enough stomping without provocation one begins to suspect one is on to something);

but i know i deserve to be treated excellently and so do you; personally it would seem that i am being educated about something greater than myself because, while i am unusually inept at convincing anyone of anything esp. in person, i can usually see right through their superficialities and while many people are shallow, many more are very, very deep;

but the problem is that many of the deeps have conformed to the absurd notions of the shallow; i have noticed that nearly every way in which i have been embarrassed/humiliated i later see happen to someone else; and it has enabled me to understand intangibilities about individuals beyond the scope of words, especially with strangers;

and while this nets me none of this worlds wealth, fame, or power; and though it is certainly not fashionable that i come across as a social dullard; and despite my inability to communicate most of what i comprehend with anyone i have met in this world; i wouldn't trade this understanding for excellence in any of those things.

i bumble through conversations,
i can think of only dorky cliches when in %90+ of social settings, intellectuals snub me, religious people damn me, i don't meet the stylistic standards of the other gay men my age, my politics are neither (D) nor (R), i am cannon fodder for teasing and i usually walk right into it, my words of comfort usually agitate those i meant to sooth, few men are less practiced in seduction than i, i am too suburban for urbanites, too urban for suburbanites, and too peculiar for ruralites, and yet...this has netted me something intangible that others wouldn't want but i find immensely illuminating, and that, i suppose, is why i possess it and they don't; but like all things in this paradoxic zone, the price for this i have mentioned before;

there are others like me in this regard, not many, but i know them when i see them; i am usually surprised by whom and usually they don't seem to realize what they know (you, perhaps?), or they are as inept as i at expressing it;

diamonds are formed under intense pressure in volcanic caves; while many celebs and glitterrats fancy themselves to be diamonds they seem more like artificially produced diamonds whose only value is to serve industrial purposes; i am surely not a diamond, but those who are usually not going to realize it because they have been trained to see the perfect carbon structures as being celebs and glitterrats who are artificially produced.

so on the one hand you should cheer up, but the reason you should cheer up is a depressing one, although i can't be certain. you should cheer up because your perception is excellent, and excellent perception is the source of many depressions (a pill is NOT what is needed). whoop-dee-doo, but it does net you something.

even here i have feel like i have failed to accomplish anything. my intent is benevolent, but i am still a blathering, idiotic wise man.

:%| 		050418
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unhinged dear dru

i did not mean that i was a doormat at blather so much as a doormat in real life. i try out my 'mean bitch' material on blather first to see if it works. i'm rather insane at this present juncture of my life. SCHOOL IS MAKING ME CRAZY. which is making me hate sobriety. which makes me get nothing done. i would like to curl up in a puddle of myself and disappear. i found a cuddle friend but i can't tell him that he's a cuddle friend.

and i am incessantly trashed these days. my afternoon routine has been reestablished along with my evening one; i wonder when my morning one will start back up.

stop this shit, i want off this goddamn train. 		050419
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andru235 you aren't the only one who wants off the train!

sometimes it really irritates me because part of me insists i ride it out, while another part of me insists that i exit immediately

and i meant that you aren't a doormat in either place! if someone treats you as such, they must be someone i know, and they have mistaken you for me. or else it is halloween and a doormat is your costume. 		050419
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unhinged one of my best friends made a halloween costume one year by taking a white t-shirt and writing 'doormat' on it in black sharpie 050420
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andru235 (per "in simple language")

you'd better at least stay around through mid winter. i'm working on a little blather-related music project that will be made available eventually, and my decision to include a section for violin and piano is based mainly on your being a violinist.

if you aren't on the planet anymore when i do manage to upload stuff somewhere, i will exact my revenge in the form of several pieces (one of which is now finished!) to the remote, previously nonexistent key of e-double-sharp-minor. and in such a situation, if anyone tries to call it f-sharp-minor, i will pull out "all the stops" and enter into a snooty arguement about the use of double-sharps. fun though it may sound, i would actually find such an argument quite tedious, so please; for my ego's sake, stick around. 		051010
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andru235 rather, ** in_simple_language ** 051010
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stork daddy shine on you crazy diamond. 051011
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oE heeeeeey.... 051011
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oldephebe just gotta say the lovely unhinged makes musicology interesting, alive, bereft of the dry and didactic carraige most of us are accustomed to seeing in densly poured in to these seeping soporific self congratulatory and sometimes i might add a male and cultural centric mastubatory fest.
....

still though

stay with us unhinged

i want to see that radiant smile once more at least
... 		051011
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Twitch I love unhinged...


(I did talk to you on AIM before right?)


...pretty sure I did...


Either way...


I love Uninged... 		051012
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unhinged funny that these things were blathed around my birthday


hey_andru
hey_pheb
hey_daddy
hey twitch....yeah we've talked a few times on aim



the peacock does like to check and see if anyone was loving her while she wasn't around; i'm still here. maybe a little bit irregularly, but still around. 		060313
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ivyducktwilightseto okay, I'm not around here all that much either, nor do I really know anyone on here very well, nor did I read this entire blathe. But I love unhinged as well :)

you're cool as shit ;)

and that's good, btw. 		060314
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mahayana ... so glad to see that you are still haunting the blather halls. :]

[i meant *haunt* in an affectionate way of course.] 		090114
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unhinged i was thinking the same thing of you when i first noticed you back around the other day

still haunting milwaukee for that matter. my job is too good these days to sail to warmer climes. 		090114
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unhinged (i couldn't leave this place even if i tried. and i have no desire to try) 090114
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