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unhinged
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it's always been one of the worst feelings for me, to be embarassed. i've always avoided it even to the point of being painfully shy when i was younger.
i'm embarassed by what i gave to him when i didn't realize how precarious his recovery was. i'm embarassed to share my feelings with him when he won't return my phone calls.
i'm embarassed by being a grad_school dropout.
i'm embarassed to demand a piece of your heart, but i think i deserve one of the pieces of the in_love part by now damnit.
i'm embarassed by how i flaunted my past with him around her, got possessive of him. but slowly, the three of us are melding together.
my feelings embarass me because it's been a long time since i was otherwise rewarded for sharing, except maybe around here. and also in light of my religious/spiritual studies and growth, my old feelings embarass me. they go against my newfound self, to be so attached and miserable. a testament to lesser days i suppose. but now i can finally help them cause i learned how to help myself.
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060111
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