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It was a moment...
I was listening to John Denver, and I realized exactly why her and I had parted -- she never "filled up my senses," it was quite the opposite.
Instead of inspiring me to great feats, she attemted to blend into me so that she nearly dissappeared, and I was left searching for her, and constantly asking questions about her.
Something told her early on that she might lose me if she showed dissent, so...
when questioned, she held no opinions, for fear hers might conflict with mine.
she never suggested anything, or opposed to anything I said, she even masked her dissaproval of different aspects of my personality, even when I intentionally dwelt on them to gain a response... nothing.
She acted as though she was content to do the things I wanted, and nothing else, and all I wanted was to know her.
I could never be, each of us living for the other, blocking our true selves, out of fear of offending and losing one another.
someone must take the initiative, and for christ's sake, It's alright to say, "I don't like that."
And If I ever did, she folded to easily. Damn it, I just wanted to have one arguement.
Our conversations were always cut short out of her, giving up and taking my side in an effort to diffuse possible arguement, but what she never understood was, that it wasn't arguement, it was discussion, comparing and contrasting the different aspects that make it fun to live with each other.
She actually said once, "You know, we've never had an arguement." I nearly cried, right then I knew it would never work. she didn't get it.
I can't be with someone who lives without want.
Want, desire, drive, ambition, and the rest of the emotions I used to teem with -- but after several disheartening experiences, now only faintly experience -- are necessay in any relationship, these are the elements of passion.
so we went our separate ways, and
I still, to this day, even after 10 months together, don't know her the slightest bit.
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