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when_i'm_at_peace
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pete
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the first thing
anyone sees
when they walk into my house
is a note written by me
for my roomates
which reads:
"it's not that hard..
do the dishes
after you use them..
this is fucking
disgusting.."
beyond that note
is the kitchen
with three days
worth of dishes piled high.
i may was dishes to get
by,
but i'm not cleaning
dishes for them.
especially after an 11.25
hour
afternoon that fell into
evening that fell into
night that fell into
the wee hours of the morning.
i sip at my beer
with the songs
of five years ago
playing through my speakers,
sighing at the night
and of the year
as it has so far past
(i measure
my years from labour day on).
the first thing
anyone will notice
when they look at the
schedule for next week
is a note by me
for my boss,
and it reads:
"steve,
i am not working
full time here
while full time
at school,
-pete"
perhaps i'm pushing a bit
too hard,
but
i am working full time
with out any of the worker's benifits
with out adequate pay
for the long hours that i work
and besides
i'm already behind at school
after two and a half weeks
and besides
i can feel the wicks
almost touching.
biking home
i shouted at the
stars
"how the hell
did i end up
in this
fucking city?"
at that moment
tears froze behind my eyes,
the equilibrium has
been breached
and the days are growing short
sipping at my beer
at 3am
alone
i wonder
why is it
that my roomates
go to bed early
all the days i work
and am thus up
late
and go to bed late
all the days i am off
and thus in bed
around 10pm?
it is
in these frozen
sweatfilled
moments
that i'm at peace
and my eyes
just want to cry
at the tearing forces
forcing there
way into
my life
at my birthday party
one of my roomates
looked at me
and said:
"hey pete,
there are
a lot of girls here."
funny how that works.
i noticed that you
weren't there
and your absence
was noted
even your sick roomate
came
but
you stayed at home
to read
the gospel of john.
again
the night grows late
and the light
of the day
is mourned,
but
this is your domain
is it not?
your heaven
in the stars
and steadily
beating away
at my drum.
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040926
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pete
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... pass sweetly into the dream, a broken rose, loose and ragged, beneath a rain of lightening's dew, quake, the earth rumbles and moans, for the removed pain, and for, uncertainty
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040926
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Ivory
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...my beating heart no long hurts my chest. My breathing slows enough so that I can close my eyes and remember how much I really do love life. My body quits shaking, and my soul warms itself.
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040927
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