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god
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Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . . oh
Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Yeah-eh-hey, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la, the vegetable will respond to you
La-la-ah la-la . . .
Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabaga, Rutabaga,
Rutabay-y-y-y . . .
No one will know
If you don't want to let 'em know
No one will know
'Less it's you that might tell 'em so
Call and they'll come to you
Smiling and covered with dew
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Vegetables dream,
Of responding to you
Standing there shiny and proud by your side
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide?
To hide!
To hide!
To hide!
Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo
Shoo-shoo Shoo-shoo . . .
FZ: You know, a lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They, they think: What can I say? Some times they think: Where can I go?
MARK: Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
HOWARD: At Ralph's vegetarian poodle clippin', where you can come this . . .
MARK: Where can I go to get organic vaseline for my intercourse?
HOWARD: At Bob and Ray's swahili restaurant, where you can come this close . . .
MARK: Where can I go to get my jeans embroided in Fullerton?
HOWARD: At Jeans, at Jeans North where nothing fits
MARK: Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood?
HOWARD: Who gives a fuck anyway!
MARK: Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
HOWARD: Hey . . . at Jack La . . .
MARK: Where can I go to get my exit lights?
HOWARD: At Jack LaLane Hamburgers on 312 Whittier Boulevard
MARK: Where can I go to get my stomach pumped? Where can I go to colapse?
HOWARD: Hey, De-due
FZ: Questions, Questions, Questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Ah, but it's a great time to be alive, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the theme of our program for tonight. It's so FUCKING GREAT to be alive! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who doesn't believe that it is FUCKING GREAT to be alive, I wish they would go now, because this show would bring them down so much . . .
God bless America
Land that I . . .
Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
OH! That the vegetable will RESPOND to you
HOWARD: And if you're a consenting adult we want you to call today in Los Angeles, the number is Richmond 96135, in Downey it's 3478932
Call it direct,
Call it collect,
But call it today!
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