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things_i_keep_to_myself
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AAM
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-That I think I will always love him just a little bit more than he could ever love me. Once I hinted at this and he said it hurt him. I wanted to say not as much as knowing I'm right.
- that I don't have as much faith as I should. I'm his entirely but I don't know for how much longer. With my fuck and run past, its hard to say... but I want him to feel safe.
- that I don't want babies and a picket fence. I want difficult 3am after sex conversations and takeout chinese food a pontiac gto tequila shots lapdances madness and passion..
- that sometimes I say potentially hurtful things just to fuck with his confidence...Sometimes he's too sure and it unnerves me that he knows.
that he scares me sometimes
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020704
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farmfish
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raw. thee shit. i want you for my friend somehow.
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020704
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kerry
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that sometimes when i'm lying in bed, unable to sleep, i get a hard knot in my stomach thinking about her and how i wish she'd never gotten sick, and how i hate myself for not crying when she was finally gone
that dreaming of kissing him makes me hurt more than anything else possibly could at this point in my mundane, 15 year-old little world, and waking up to the realization that none of it is real is like pure torture inflicted on my wrists
that no matter how hard i try, i don't like anything i do, and i don't care if she wants me to have an agent, my stories are shit and i don't understand what they all see in them
that sometimes i imagine what would happen if something happened to my mom, if i was forced to only live with my dad and brother, and something in me starts to hint that life may actually be easier that way.
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020704
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phil
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I wish it was everything sometimes.
I have just tried so many times on the wrong people.
These trapped emotions cause problems.
I can't speak, and deep down I am real angry.
When I can't explain how I feel. Can't remember, when I was hurt, it slips away, just like that f***ing whale.
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020704
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me
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I’m tuggin at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you what’s on my mind?
If it ain’t coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care
What’s wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I’ve got nothing to say
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021223
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Lilac
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It scares me that things could be taken away so easily.
I'm afraid that I will take you for granted.
I'm afraid of never going anywhere in life.
I'm afraid of never finding that thing that I love and want to pursue.
I'm afraid of not having the drive.
I'm afraid of regret.
I'm afraid of not being sure.
I'm afraid of loss.
I'm afraid of being in those situations.
I'm afraid of turning into my parents.
I'm afraid of myself and what I might do.
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021228
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lost
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i used to be affraid of what i might do.
now im just not affraid. nothing much has changed. but i dont think i would kill myself anymore. i would still hurt myself but whatever
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021228
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blthar spil czech
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affffffraid
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021228
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screwing for virginity
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the fact that i dont feel as smart as everybody sais i am
the fact that i have to work up a nerv for any and all social situations
the fact that i want to go into psychology (i dont want people to think im just copying my brother)
the fear that i am turning up just like my dad
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021229
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beorn
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the idea that i really am and asshole. and am a little pussy
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041014
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beorn
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its '05 can i get an amen?
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041231
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unhinged
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what i mean when i say i love you
how much it hurts me to see you with someone else
how i hate being alone
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080721
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unhinged
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(because i don't want you to come to me out of pity;
but because you want to)
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080721
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somebody
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my greatest hope, because most people seem to delight in trying to dash the hopes of others
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080721
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unhinged
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well i guess i'll just keep it to myself forever now; you_killed_it with talk of how much you like your girlfriend, maybe rightfully so. but once again, i'm left wondering why i never inspire that kind of like in people. i want to ask you more now than ever, interested in your answer to my question of what is about me that makes me so usable, forgettable.
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080721
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emily
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that i still think of him...
shhh....
don't tell.
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080723
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someone you know
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love
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080723
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