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miniver
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I have always been up-front with new boys.
I tell them: I disguise my emotions; I am cynical, and sarcastic, and skeptical -- and I make fun of things, and people, and I do a good job of what it is I do; I am smart; I am clever and I like games; I delete things; I quit, I start again somewhere else; I go decidedly missing. I tell them that there are surely your typical, analyzable psychological reasons for why I do the things I do -- self-esteem issues, bitterness, neuroticism, whatever else people blame their personalities on these days -- and I accept that many people might have many better, more productive, nicer, greater, prettier, more interesting ways of doing things, but I like my ways for what they are and are not. Or I keep my ways, whether or not I like them. And whether or not other people like them, or even notice the effort that I may or may not put into them.
I tell them that I like boys, and I like finding new boys to impress. I tell them to think about that for a while, though I can't be held accountable for whether or not they take my advice.
And I am not so arrogant that I assume all boys would care enough about me that they'd need to know this. I just enjoy telling it -- and I'll tell them that much, too. Maybe it's a phase, right? I'm silly, now,...but, why not? Change me, if you think I ought to change. I need adventure, and I could use a good push.
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000822
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