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neesh
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we finally stuck up the world map i'd bought a month ago (it was too big for me to put up by myself), and i looked at it, and i felt really small.
not in a bad way, in a kind of awed, the world is so vast way. and europe is so tiny. and shanghai is right on the far side of china, which is scary but also very close to japan.
looking at the map actually makes me feel better. everything's so small next to the world.
i'm not happy and mum couldn't work out why. she didn't want to leave me alone tonight but i like to be alone. dad didn't even wonder why, he just gave me a huge hug, and it felt like he could swallow me too, like he was as large as the world and being so large nothing really mattered in light of him.
i think, a person can be as large as the world but a problem can't. and i feel a little better for that.
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041211
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