blather
the_downside_of_love
unhinged i always feel like a psychotic asshole afterwards; my rational brain finally catchs up with me and i realize how harmful it is to want to do literally anything for someone else.

it's weird how serotonin can make you abandon all common sense.
070424
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stork daddy tell me about it. 070425
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unhinged but my heart can't help it you know?


i want to be devoted
to making other people happy
*shrugs*


and my rational mind has a nasty way
of convincing me
that it's a bad habit
to love other people
devotion
making others happy




and after the anger subsides
i am just tired
tired of aloneness
tired of my own voice
whining about aloneness


i am good at devotion
i wish i could prove to someone
how good at it i am
070425
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birdmad the vulnerability 070425
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nom that there is a downside? 070425
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pSyche is that your love will one day die. 070425
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:-) you silly thing you ! 070426
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unhinged easy to cling to
left bittersweet
080313
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unhinged yeah, sometimes i feel really stupid 080523
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Strideo "is that your love will one day die."

or betray you.
...
080524
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unhinged i wish i could let it die, cause then there'd be room for new stuff to grow. betrayed i am that on my end i can't let it die. or transfer a little bit of it to me. same_tired_old_story (?)

sometimes it just feels so good to cry.
080524
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poet theres a big old rotting love corpse in my brain and its starting to smell unbearably bad. 080524
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unhinged left the faucet on again
it all poured out
he wasn't ready
and he kept telling me that

i didn't listen



now i'm in that transition place
of being empty
with nothing to fill me back up
110505
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no reason it goes sour 110505
...
falling_alone the downside of loves becomes the moment where you both pretend you are nothing to each other, where you can pass them everyday but still go home and fuck your boyfriend. but you don't go home and do that. maybe the last time you made love to your boyfriend feels like a distant memory, and now your dreams at night turn into a haunting of this other man's arms wrapped around you. that those dreams feel more real than the actual lips that kiss you before they go to work.
and none of it matters becuase, in the end, you've already built a life, a home, and yes you still love.
I still love. and I can't or won't or I don't know how to give this safety up for something that, on that other side of life both of us pretend doesn't exist, that fuck you for not saying something the next day.
110505
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falling_alone Poor deluded you, to confuse love with lust so long ago. 151011
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flowerock Downside? It's all uphill from here I hear... a nice long, steep, uphill journey... but the view is worth the effort. 151011