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terribly_sad
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Q
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You told that terribly sad story very well. Thank you.
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050428
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daxle
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Not really. I expected to be. It's like I don't know how anymore. I guess I found a way to feel on meds without being on them more than I even wanted to.
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050428
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Q
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That could be good that you don't know how anymore. I hope so.
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050501
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daxle
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Oh I feel things still. I'm just more under control. More balanced. More accepting.
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050612
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a chaotic gift to idealism
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fall into a deep and dark world or indifference
look up to a sky that holds no beauty
hear the sounds of things that scream out what you can not hear
grow cold to everything around you that holds meaning
let go of what holds meaning
just let go
come to realize that nothing ends well
realize that there is no sense in feeling
feeling is a waste. feeling will only bring pain
feeling will only leave us to suffer.
i felt before. i remember it well. like the event of a lifetime that not even those of alzheimer's can forget.
i left this all behind years ago. indulging in drugs of all types. losing all of what i had come to know of sanity until, i had finally forgot what it was to feel for anything. lying to myself, that i still felt for something, until i was almost convinced.
I woke up all of some 2 weeks ago. i woke up and travelled to a person who slapped my face. someone who had brought back all that was lost.. all that was forgotten. many years ago she left an imprint on me. one of those things that occur so rarely and hit so hard that not even in death could one forget. she woke me up again.
she has gone away once more to somewhere i do not know. i know nothing of the situation she left me in. i sit here with only my monitor to light my place and this feeling of loss, love, pain, and gladness that, knowing my situation could be bad or good and at least i am left not knowing that it is bad.
i feel again and at this point in time, i feel nothing but...
terribly sad
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050612
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Gods lil Fukker
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Jonathan, it's not always so bad. You know this. Even you get lucky sometimes.
This is your jackpot and I am glad you are still hopeful. I am glad you still have faith in her. What would you do without that?
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050623
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a chaotic gift to idealism
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I know Jon, that faith kept me going for all these many fucking years. I am still going. Thank goodness for that bit of faith. Thank goodness for her... what else would I have to hold faith in? nothing. Simple fact.
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050623
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unhinged
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remind_me
can_i_be_beautiful
he's leaving on saturday and he's the only one that can make me smile. part of me wishes he wouldn't have come back cause i was used to things around here without him.
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050623
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