|
| |
suicide_is_my_sculpture
|
|
|
Mahayana
|
death is sought suicide is my sculpture passing away not only a dream passing away is the only initiated indexed page of the ending death is alive within me a separation of two things |this life| |this pain| death is a dialogue between anguish & parting mourning is not a painless transition demise is forever mortality is but a longing death is a constant companion death is mercy loss of life is but a mere silence of all the chaos within a heart a head death is the uncomplicated way out for this unpleasant quintessence
[but i have not the perfect vision to create]
|
021109
|
| |
... |
|
|
blown cherry
|
and wouldn't being mangled with the twisted pieces of my car make it that much more alluring?
|
021109
|
| |
... |
|
|
Risen
|
It is all falling into place.
I am almost completely free of ties. Only three people remain. Three people I speak to one or more times a week. Two are paid to be there.
The third is my mother. I have to leave her with something. The last few steps are sorting out my wardrobe, so she doesn't have to, and training the puppy. She will have over ten years of my dog to remind her of me. Something to love and hold and to love her, and that will make it easier when I'm gone.
The final step is the method, and that is just an academic problem.
|
160910
|
| |
... |
|
|
flowerock.
|
I believe we all have the right to choose to live or die, but is it worth it to choose to die?
Recently a beautiful, kind, charismatic woman, a gem of her community and loving mother, passed away this way. Her partner said the only indication to the outside world was that she had withdrawn from her friends. He tried to get her to seek help. So many are grieving, she was worth keeping here and everyone wishes they'd known, known her better, known how to help...
So I wonder why you choose this, if you're serious, is just an art piece... I wonder where some find the courage to step over even though it is seen as the easy way out... for those of us choosing to live it is not easy and to be avoided even...
I hope for you and your mom and anyone who loves you that you find a different solution, but maybe you know eats best, who am I to say?
But would you also be someone missed and mourned? Leaving a trail of grief and empty spaces? Even if you feel you are free of ties, there are always ties.
|
160910
|
| |
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
when suicidal depression is inundating your mind and body, it is more of a compulsion than anything else. usually the compulsion is broken. at the last second,the follow through isn't possible. the survival instinct kicks in.
it's not about hurting others by making them sad. it's about cessation.
(i don't know much about the artistic part other than my cutting habit when i was in college, or my tattoos i guess. i usually save getting ink for times of unbearable emotional pain. the literal open wound of a tattoo distracts my neurons from the depression. pain shock therapy)
|
160910
|
| |
... |
|
|
flowerock.
|
You're right. It isn't about hurting others, I guess I implied that. I meant to touch on the possibility that there are people in our lives who care and may help or help us get help. I know it's heavy, I've felt it, I'm glad I didn't drown in it then.
Apparently September is suicide awareness month... but aren't we already aware of it? What can anyone really do. It's ultimately up to the individual, and it should be... but I guess it feels right to offer alternatives, love, and help if we can.
|
160910
|
| |
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
i grew up in a house where my father didn't think i had an illness at all and my mother just wrote me off as moody.
when i had my first major onset of depression in college i did not want to reach out to anyone for help.
cutting
was never really about suicide
vicodin and klonopin
were never really about suicide
i told my neighbor down the street about cutting and how i was having a hard time at school. he told his mom cause he was worried and she decided to gossip to the neighbors about it which ended up in my mother finding out about it. she was hysterical. she called and left multiple hysterical messages on my answering machine. i just denied it because my mom hated our neighbor anyways and avoided having to verbalize to my mother the difference between cutting and suicide. eventually i switched to tattoos which need even less of an explanation. my mother thinks my tattoos are harsh. i can only shrug. i know they will be there forever. that was kind of the point.
|
160911
|
