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blah-ze
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is like life is. disjointed corpse, like a half of one person, melded with something we need but cannot have.
so we draw closer, and drawl on about something we hope they care about. hope they love us, anyway, but we just don't deserve that.
at least, i don't think you love me, but i am a little unsure about where i am right now. to me right now, life is like re-reading a book you really got involved with. emotion you knew you felt, characters playing out roles, everything already known, no surprises, and in the end, such a fulfilling emptiness.
so i know what tomorrow's air will taste like, i know i will wake up and look at myself, and wish i would be a little bit more like myself and not what i really am. i wish i wasn't so cruel, unfeeling, everything you said. this is life, you said, not a fairytale.
i did something today, that should have shocked me, made me doubt who i was. all i felt was empty.
so this i why i am doing, whatever i am doing when you read this. because i never want to feel empty, near you.
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