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sleeping_in_many_layers
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hsg
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very hot, sweating, dehydrated, vividreams. things i wish i could forever forget. still haunt me. one lady slightly older, shows me compassion. it's the first of it i can remember feeling. at first i confuse the feeling as something sexual but then later realize i wasn't familiar with someone just being nice to a stranger. she gave me hope when i was "shook". lost my mind so she took me by my hand. that hand told me she cared even though she didn't know me. she knew i thought i liked her but she also understood what was going on. kept feeling/witnessing mynd slipping further and further away. it's like the peripheral vision became smaller & smaller, diminishing all my understanding until all i could perceive was a single thought and only that for a short time. it can be so scary watching mynd slip away into nothing.
nightmares so deep. dehydrated, confused, scared to ever again sleep. lucid dreams. questioning things i take for granted. wait a minute, I'M FLYING! sometimes it's simple to forget that it's your choice how you perceive.
keep waking up in my dreams, into another & again into another. layers upon layers.
sweating profusely in my sleep. wake up and drink a tablespoon of cayenne pepper in a half cup of warm water and go back to sleep. slept next to a fire. my head quite hot. turned up the thermostat as far as she dares to go. a few thousand pushups at three a.m. never hurt anyone. go back to bed or floor. whichever is closest. tell my mind to pay attention, it's time to dream. w aking. i nto. l ucid. d reaming. it's WILD. so tired physically i can leave my body instantly, i am still me, the me who i will forever be. unafraid as my nightmares have taught me well. who knew one could sweat so much? go to sleep 14 pounds heavier then when i awake. if it wasn't for the reabsorption of sweat and the toxins, well, wouldn't that be dandy? bacteria doesn't care for me much, & i don't blame. who would want to live inside the sweatily insane?
in my dreams i work & play, do math in fine detail, visit old friends, fly of course off course and new ones too, far away lands, 600 mph over the oceans surface. glimmering sunlight reflecting off angled ripples. im flying! i knew i could and so it is. i am that i am and om_mani_pehmeh_hung. the jewel of the heart... Hail to the overself! focus your thought intently and bring it into being. believe in your creation. act AS_IF and you will become as such. neuro linguististic programming and meta P his ickyness. all things happen twice, first in your mind then in reality. love, serve, and remember to love serve and remember. why have you come to earth? the best thing about life is knowing that you put it together. act as if every act you perform was your last act on earth. im already dead. the warrior knows his acts are meaningless but performs them with the utmost seriousness. soul of a clown, clown of us all. warrior eats only a handful of food at a time. you cannot escape karma, just as you cannot take more than you have given, you cannot give more than you will receive. all is fair in love and war. per aspera ad astra, thru hardship to the stars. we have one and only one chance to be the best. what else is there? e pluribus unum. times, new roman. if the doors of perception were finally cleansed things would appear as they truly are: infinite. a miracle is defined as a shift in perception. there's no such thing as time. it's a required course. only when you take it is up to you. "little and often" is the most efficient maxim. six to eight small meals per day. high intensity interval training, intermittent hypoxia training. repeated periods of fasting, increasing fat-converting enzymes. warrior eats only a mouthful of food at a time. the saint who said you should always be a little hungry, a little cold, and a little tired. the chemist who discovered the order of elements for his periodic table while playing music. music the most efficient language. zero waste engineering. there's no such thing as death. sweat it out. no effort goes unrewarded. make it your desire to become a better tryer. waking life. buttons on his collar keep changing. i know you're tired but u simply must pay attention. catch yourself. relax but don't let go. focus. quiet the subvocalizations. the inner chatter. they're just stains on you soundbox. pay them no mind. look at the thing in front of you. to understand it go into it. become it. feel its vibe. work for it. pro-it. for a moment. be friendly and you will understand, knowledge is power and there's only one failsafe. that of truth. a pure heart unlocks the inner keys to the temple. mantra. chant. give it up. give it all up. be prepared. this may take many lifetimes. or a single moment if you'ready to not hold back. for where you're going, to that better place, fear cannot fit like the monkeys hand trying to pull the apple out of the jar, simply let go. one pair or pants. one bowl of rice. attention to breath and always be nice. humble service, go free your spirit. it's not what you have it's what you are. becoming what you will. and you will and will and will. be not afraid. when you're not afraid to try, you learn you were free to all along. do it all with all your might. do more with less and compensate with your intellect. can i borrow that? and go another mile, friend i may not lead or follow. you were with me always. the best parts of you i will always remember. i hope i left you better than i found you. happy birthday cv/jm theighth i tried to call you. namaste forever. im sure we'll meet again. they say loss is the most universal emotion. im sorrow for yours and mine which pales in comparison but lets live anyway. did you know nick passed away? & leeann freenature, i worry about her. it's been a long time but maybe we'll meet again. livestrong. this too shall pass. recycle. we need more than that. don't let a day go by without having read a book. a REAL book. not stories. make your own story. talk to strangers. choose good company. don't eat meet. 5200 gallons of water used or contaminated for every pound of meat produced. let's make a better world. what choice do we have? there's only so much you can ignore. a vow to end suffering of all sentient beings. come passionate soul. be kind. please rewind. go back remember. love, serve. emitting from the sun. light. kind. of nice. be like, bright. let's spend our years running around the fire. playingames andreamingaze. tripping out on fire flames. underground utopia. not all that hard, really. control your emotions. practice and use you head. left is where i always turn, left is where i always learn. turn towards the heart. it's not about your face, but your original you. stay true. do your best. you have to get strong eventually you have to leave home and return. no deposit no return. easy way or the hard way. either way. go away and find yourself and dont come back until you do. beg for work. serve until you really "get it". do it for free. do it forever just for shits and giggles. you're not wasting your time but wasting your weakness. see much, study much, suffer much. forgive them all and yourself. there's nothing to forgive. it's worse to take offense than it is to offend. a man is trapped in a well. a passing man jumps in with him to find their way out. eight standing on each other's shoulders. are you afraid to try? afraid to be nice? seven foot forks to feed each other,wise could starve forever. one Calorie takes away thirty seconds of human life. health is directly proportionate to cleanliness. efficiency of mitochondria. ash left over. pushing ur body to do more with less makes for a more cleanly burning machine. use the sweating as a tool. fast. run. hold_your_breath. epo production & wbc counts. just by the way you breathe, can be bettered.
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061213
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pete
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061213
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hsg
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dot. my thoughts exactly.
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061221
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pete
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i thought it was beautiful, real. some other terms too, but that is the german idealists i've been submerged in for the past month. highminded words that i'm saving for the essay.
again..
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061221
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epitome of incomprehensibility
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Yay, it is a stream of consciousness and hsg is good at swimming, I daresay, and even if the last part is cluttered with different bits of random good advice it is done so in an interesting way.
Sometimes I feel the same way--sleeping in many layers--falling into a light fuzzy state, than one deeper, like when you close your eyes lightly at first and then scrunch them shut.
Here I am being random. Let sleeping blogs lie... although this is not a blog. Sad, but true.
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061221
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stephshine
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all i can say is hsg would DIE if he only could wear 1 pair of pants. time to rewrite your manifesto, 1347.
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070218
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pete
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twisted, tangled, strangled, falling from bed, alone, in the middle of the night, a cold sweat, a warm sweat, the wind howls into the room.
lost, caught, fought, shot through the heart by the storm, the fury, a frozen blanket, and a second, boiling, layer of dust settles.
me, you, her, him, them, here, there, falling towards the moon, and away from any arms except those that grip so tight so soon after the night has become unbearable again to sleep in.
so cold, so warm, caught in the web of blankets and sheets and pillows and heat as the wind screams again and the building shakes in the night, the night, the night, so tight.
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070304
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