blather
selfishness_is_blindness
Sonya I wish I could slap you so hard you'd have no choice but to fall back into your senses and maybe regain some rationality. You are so utterly spoiled and selfish. Do you have any idea what kind of damage you would do if you decided to just wuss out on this world and pull some stupid stunt? Have you stopped to think about the people you would be leaving behind?! Have you stopped to consider what these people could possibly do without you, having already given their complete trust to you? And don't give me that "I'm not important" crap, because if that were true they would NOT put you on the pedestal where you sit, nor would they make any time for you.

These same people you'd so easily abandon because of your inability to endure life's petty problems (many of which you brought on yourself) are the same ones you claim to love more than anything. Your hypocrisy leaves little to be desired. I bet the one who really counts in your life has no idea about these dark feelings you EMBRACE either. Perhaps it's better that way for you, huh? You, you, you.

Go ahead. Whine and wish for death and disregard all those who'd lie down in front of a train for you. You are not aware of how horribly privileged you are, not so much in money or social class, or even ethnic hierarchy (I bet you never stopped to think about this), but in the people in your life and in love. Your willingness to completely disregard other people's needs, especially their need for you exposes the reality that you really don't give a damn about anyone else. Your selfishness may one day destroy all of that which you claim to hold dear. The intangible riches you do not fully appreciate right now by wanting to just leave it all behind will escape you. When that time comes, and it may come sooner rather than later, do not be surprised if no one furnishes any sympathy for you. Selfishness isn't good for anything. What does that say about you?

**This wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but then again maybe it was? Perhaps if you suddenly feel the need to defend yourself after reading it, it was meant for you, but I assure you, I am not out to destroy anyone. I am just tired of seeing redundance and blindness. Some of us can let go of our egos once in a while and see the bigger picture. It takes a while but once you see it you'll find the importance you are looking for. A person who cares about us is enough reason to put up with anything life throws our way. 		011217
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ClairE I hope I've found the right prescription for my glasses. 011217
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has longed for death sonya, you bring up some good points. and i agree with your saying that selfishness is blindness. but i wonder whether or not you have ever felt so alone (even though a part of you knew you werent) that you felt as though you couldnt go on another day. i have to assume that you have been in this situation, otherwise you wouldnt have said all of that. but there are some things that you have said that i dont totally agree with.

i have felt this. i did wish for death. and yes, the dark feelings are embraced, or they were by me anyway, but thats because its all i knew. its the only thing that was comfortable. i wasnt in a situation where i felt like i could really live. life felt like death, so why not die?

im not saying that this is the way it is for everyone. its just the way it was for me. obviously, i didnt kill myself. although i came damn close to actually doing it. the only thing that kept me in this world was my undying, unconditional love for my family, not thinking about how my death would affect them. i guess what im saying is, just because one is suicidal, doesnt necessarily mean that they havent thought about what would happen if they killed themselves or how it would affect the people they love. most probably do consider these things. its not selfishness in many cases that leads people to suicide. its simply the feeling that there is no one to turn to. no matter what you do, you cant please the people who matter most to you. everything you do is wrong. youve lost all that you really cared about. whether or not these feelings are justified is a completely different matter. thats the thing about depression... sometimes the reasons for feeling depressed seem very insiginificant. but to the one who is feeling them, they are overwhelming.

im not sure if i got my point across. or if there even is a point to what i said. i guess its just that you dont seem to fully understand what goes on in the mind of someone on teetering on the brink of suicide. if you have been through this, then i am sincerely sorry. especially if this has offended you. the same goes for anyone else who read this and disagrees with me. that was just part of my story, and so my point of view. 		011217
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god and blindness is dark 011217
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Sonya Hmm whoever you are (gee I LOVE when people feel the need to conceal their identities) I have been there. In fact I have constant experience with depression, not with myself (though I've been there too), but with a very close relative of mine. Let's get one thing straight. When you consciously realize all that you have in your life, and decide that you want to go ahead and leave it ANYWAY, that's called disregarding it. There's no sense in buttering up the reality.

Depression is a serious issue. However there are people out there who repeatedly "want to die" or say they do, or just whine about every little hurdle they have to deal with, perhaps for attention, not necessarily because of clinical depression. They seem to easily overlook the fact that other people deal with A LOT more than they do. That is something I find irritating. Sometimes you gotta flip things around. Life is hard, no one ever said it was easy. Cliche, but so true. The things that usually keep us going are the people around us. To want to die would guarantee their misery, especially if they love us so dearly.

To willingly give up and abandon everything we have, including our families, friends, our opportunities, would be a HUGE slap in the face to the people who can't even get a meal to eat to survive the day. It's a slap in the face to the orphans whose parents abandoned them and have no families. It's a slap in the face to the kids who will never get an education and have blown out stomaches because of malnutrition. It's a slap in the face to the homeless. If applicable, it's a slap in the face to the politically oppressed. And if applicable, it's a slap in the face to the people who have no significant other or spouse to love. One of the things some people obviously need to do is look at their BLESSINGS. Start writing a list of everything GOOD in your life (be basic if need be) and I can guarantee you it will stretch for miles if you think hard enough. Then compare your list to what 70% (probably more) of the world's population has and your miseries JUST MIGHT pale in comparison to what others go through. Don't dispute this until you try it. It is a great way to strengthen personal resolve.

I'm not trying to be a bitch here even though I am one, but I've seen some of the things people say and write regarding "I want to die, I want to be dead, etc" all the time. And I can't help but think, "Well if I was he/she, I'd have this and that, or I'd be with so and so and be doing this & this, I'd be so happy". I think some people are clinically depressed and don't want to admit it and never seek help. That's terrible. On the other hand there are the people who can easily say "I want to die today" one day and the next day just totally forget what they said and act like it doesn't matter. If we really loved the people we claim to love, we would do our best to LIVE for them. We would struggle and put up with anything so we could BE THERE for them. There's no disputing it. If it's so easy to think otherwise, then yes, maybe some people have depression, but you have to admit some people are just selfish cowards who can't or won't endure anything that doesn't fit their perfect little agenda. 		011218
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concealing my identity sonya, although you're insightful and articulate, you're extremely cruel.
get off your high horse.
you know nothing of other people's depression and with the attitude you have, you most likely never will. that's a shame, really. that can't make you much of a friend. 		011218
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has longed for death oh sonya. seriously hon, what was all that for?

first of all i am not revealing my identity because i dont have to. you dont have to like it. i never asked you to. so deal with it.

and did i not tell you that you had some good points? i believe i did. there was absolutely no reason for all the hostility in your response.

i never denied the fact that there are people out there who dont take depression seriously. people who will make such comments as "i want to die" and then later forget that it ever left their lips. all i was doing was trying to point out the fact that what you are saying does not apply to everyone. it certainly didnt apply to me.

i also never said that i consciously realized AT THE TIME all the blessings i have. what i said was a PART of me knew that people cared. but what i actually saw and felt was that i had no one. i had no friends. not one. and i couldnt even talk to my mom, when she had previously been my best friend. no matter what i did or said it wasnt good enough for her. i no longer saw the love that she has for me, and i withdrew from her. i have never been able to get along with my father, and when i was depressed, we hurt each other even more than we ever had before. so you can imagine what that did to our already horrible relationship.

now, of course, i know how much i have. and i realize how much more i have than others. and i am so grateful for everything with which i have been blessed. but thats NOW. not then. and im sure its the same for others. and as i said, i know there are people who are in a completely different situation. saying that they want to die. but for what? attention maybe? i dont know. but i wasnt talking about them. maybe i didnt make that clear enough for you. so there, ive said it. have i made it abundantly clear this time?

next time you think about making a comment about people concealing their identities, consider this. perhaps it is people like you (at times cruel and insulting) who lead to this. people usually dont like being put down when they decide to reveal something that personal. 		011218
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Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge blindness_is_selfishness

some schools of thought believe
that
clinical depression
is a chemical imbalance
of the brains biology
and
if this were true
that
would mean that
anything negative towards
a depressed person
would be akined to
negative comments
at a person with
cancer
diabetes
heart problems
why someone has blue
and not
green eyes
etc. etc. etc.

blindness_is_selfishness

---------
just my 53¢
--------- 		011218
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Sonya Interestingly enough I have a pretty good idea who the person is who feels the need to conceal. This is the same reason I did not include a particular name in the initial post I uploaded.

As for the assessment that my assessment was cruel: I knew exactly what I was doing by saying those things. Funny, they weren't kidding when they said "the truth hurts". You make an observation and point it out and people seem to think you're cruel. It does not surprise me that you (one person in particular) felt the need to defend yourself. Like I said....it is not the people who are truly depressed that I was getting irritated with. It was more the people who I know for a fact are not in that state of mind. Believe it or not there are people out there who think it's actually "cool" to say something having to do with wanting to leave this world prematurely. You know they exist just as much as anyone else. This is a slap in the face to people like yourself (whoever you are) who honestly have not/do not feel content with life. Trust me, I've been there. My relationship with my 'rents isn't exactly stellar either...my mother's bipolar. And I've been there. The state of depression where you cannot deal with anything: I'm sure most everyone has been there.

You seemed to have misunderstood me though. The reality is that there are a lot of people out there who just say random things that are quite serious without thinking about them. They say these things in the open to gain attention or whatever. This isn't the same as the people who _really_ need help. There is a difference and it's may be hard to detect at first, but it's there. I was not saying that they are one in the same, but you have to admit those who do not take these things seriously and just randomly say certain things that they probably don't even mean are the most ungrateful ones of all. And hey, incase you forgot, I said I have been there. The thing is I see the same people saying the same thing every other day over and over for a year or more but they for whatever reason do not seek any serious help even though they can. Their loved ones bend over backwards to try and get them help but ultimately they need to make the first step. They won't. *shrug* Some of them just SAY things they don't really feel. This is what irritates me the most because these people who think 'being suicidal is cool' make it harder for the rest of us to identify and help the people who REALLY need that help.

And hey...most of what I've said I had someone else say to me when I was looking TOO deeply at myself and magnifying my problems 1000 times or more like others. And this might surprise you but cruelty from the people who actually care about you just might help you once in awhile. The truth hurts, but the truth gets people to open their eyes...

And don't think you that the people less fortunate than us have more of a right to say that WE are cruel for so easily disregarding the things they would kill for but will never know?

As for being on my high horse...heh...I'd rather be on a high horse and out in the open than hiding in the shadows. Life isn't worth living if you have to hide all the time, but maybe it's different for you. And hey, people around here can easily establish themselves as the pariahs within a matter of seconds. What's the point in worrying about that if it will happen anyway? We often say "I'd die for him/her/them", never thinking about the ramifications of such a statement. We never stop to think about the idea of LIVING for the others. Maybe we should.

You know I'm very quickly starting to see why some people never come around here anymore. 		011219
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LOOKIE HERE!!!!! is that good enough for you bitch "There is a difference and it's may be hard to detect at first, but it's there. I was not saying that they are one in the same, but you have to admit those who do not take these things seriously and just randomly say certain things that they probably don't even mean are the most ungrateful ones of all."

again, i did admit that. in case you didnt read carefully enough, right here:

There is a difference and it's may be hard to detect at first, but it's there. I was not saying that they are one in the same, but you have to admit those who do not take these things seriously and just randomly say certain things that they probably don't even mean are the most ungrateful ones of all.

and here:

and as i said, i know there are people who are in a completely different situation. saying that they want to die. but for what? attention maybe? i dont know. but i wasnt talking about them. maybe i didnt make that clear enough for you. so there, ive said it. have i made it abundantly clear this time?

i get the feeling that you didnt read my blathes too carefully. hell, maybe you did and just feel the need to say "fuck you, im still right. and even though you agree with me im going to pretend you dont."

all i was doing in the first place was trying to tell you that your first blathe seemed to be addressed to everyone who has been or is depressed when it should have been. is there something wrong with trying to clear it up? my god, i even apologized if i had been mistaken and offended you. in case you missed that too, here:

if you have been through this, then i am sincerely sorry. especially if this has offended you. the same goes for anyone else who read this and disagrees with me. that was just part of my story, and so my point of view.

and just for the record, i am not "concealing my identity." i hope you didnt think that. 		011219
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Sonya Hmmm it would seem that you also misunderstood me, but you probably glossed over the fact that I repeatedly said that _I_ WAS talking about the people who just throw statements around just to sound "cool" or whatever the hell it is they're trying to accomplish. My irritation is in no way directed at people who have depression. And if I came off as hostile at YOU in particular, there's nothing I can do except apologize for whatever was misconstrued.

Geez and they say I'm reactionary. If you think I'm cruel because I'm tired of the kids (yes the kids) who don't know what kind of mess they're making by trying to be so goddamn cool all the time by actually wanting to come off as suicidal just to possibly "fit in", then I don't know what else to say.

And obviously you misinterpreted me even more by thinking I was offended. I'm not because if I was, I wouldn't have bothered writing again, but if you wanted that, well sorry that I can't induldge. Again..."no surprises here"

And incase you didn't notice YET AGAIN, the ones who are cruel are just sick of the ones I kept mentioning that you somehow misinterpreted as yourself or anyone else who really was/is depressed. It's interesting that although I didn't address anyone in particular initially I knew someone out there was going to be like "you bitch", and think I was targeting them in particular. Why must you see everything that doesn't agree with what you think or feel so totally against JUST you? Hypocrisy reigns high here at blather and it is not alien to ANY of us. If you're just now realizing this then sorry for the shock.

get_over_it

some of us have, maybe others never will. 		011219
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Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge ¿[how can one decide for others what they truly do or do not feel]?

"Some of them just SAY things they don't really feel."

¿[how can one decide for others what they truly do or do not feel]?

: judg·ment
or judge.ment
/'j&j-m&nt/

13th century
formal utterance
of an authoritative
opinion

: a divine sentence or decision:
¿[where is the divinity]?
¿[where has she gone]?

: the process of
forming an opinion
or evaluation
by discerning
and comparing

: an opinion or
estimate so formed
the heart begins
2 close along
with the psyche

: the capacity for judging : DISCERNMENT

synonym see: SENSE
¿[where has it all gone]?
[i just dont understand] 		011219
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Sonya btw, if you know the person in particular, really know who they are and their situation, including what is going on in their life, as in all the facts about them, it's hard to say that's an uncalled for "judgment" but some people will argue over what "judgment" means. believe me, if something is said it is said because of things seen or heard from known people.

hope that clears something up, but it probably won't knowing this place. the end. 		011219
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Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge the heart begins
2 blossom along
with psyche

[there is no :end: life is all rather cyclical]

"if you know the person in particular, really know who they are and their situation, including what is going on in their life, as in all the facts about them"

[in a haze of utopian style this quote can be blissfully true ... yet these things as mentioned above ... are not often *even* known without any reservations nor doubts within ones ownself ...]

[there is no :end: life is all rather cyclical]

the heart begins
2 blossom along
with psyche 		011219
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lookie here ok, you say you werent talking about me in particular in your 3rd blathe. so i read it again, it still seems as though in that particular blathe you are indeed talking about me. so i dont see how my thinking that it was me it that blathe was such a big mistake.

i think we did misunderstand each other. but i did not gloss over the fact that you werent talking about people who are or have been seriously depressed. why do you think i kept saying that i agree with you? to me, it seemed as though you were glossing over my saying that you were right in that respect.

but whatever. 		011219
what's it to you? blather
who go from