|
re_alisma
|
well, these past few days i'm being highly emotional and impatient and of the opinion that it will take me a year or more of wrangling to get a good job. i'm not feeling that something is going to magically happen that will bust this family-jail i got myself into in the near future.
some backstory:
seattle pulls me back periodically, it seems to need me far more than chicago or elgin ever do, although i am able to pull off some pretty good tricks in my hometown, too, it's just that i am never given the benefit of the doubt while i am here, and i always feel like a child sulking in corner at the supposed-to-be-fun sports-talk barbeque. but i do like the art museums in chicago. and i do like my little native american ghost enclave where i grew up.
but i could "do" seattle again. and i'd probably do much better because i know myself so much better and i would have done a lot more of the growing up that stern Seattle expects. and why i like it better than Chicago.
which gets me to:
i'm a little envious. but moving someplace new is completely different than moving back to where you'd been before. so it's not the same thing. and you'd meet different people, find a different kind of job (here's hoping), and get all the benefits of having a more healthy lifestyle in your own particular way that i hope will go really well for you.
the weather is quite rainy and gloomy, though. for awhile. you forget what the sunshine is like and it gets to you. so you will need to enjoy your time until late october, about, when it's more perfect than perfect, then ease yourself into the gloom and rain and depression scene. some people like how gentle that can be compared with harsh midwest winter. and some people like raininess which they think has a certain charm.
oh, and the people can be weirdly a l o o f. but, again, i hope you'll find a good crowd.
those two factors can make a person feel really forlorn right around new year's or march or, gosh, it really just all blurs together.
i love the summertime there, like i love the fall here. maybe i'll get back to seattle, but i have such low self-esteem about my social skills and general level of social acceptance that i know there's a very good chance that a place like seattle will allow me to be healthier, but always, basically, push me away as
it
tries
to
protect
its
own
turf.
(only to pull me back again)
i have much more complicated thoughts about that place. but i am 150% certain that you totally don't want to hear them, because i'm pretty sure that you'll mostly like it, and you won't be wanting to get into all the complications of that hyper-criticism.
there you go, unhinged, my not-friend (it seems). my thoughts. 7 years is not a lifetime in the same place, but it might be good enough to know a little something, probably. oh, and it's very spiritual. you'll like that.
|
110630
|
