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werewolf
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he sat on the couch, throwing aside a copy of war and peace which he had opened to some middle of a middle randomly and read from before leaving there to check the pleasant chime which signified he had a message on his computer's instant message program. it turned out to be an ad for penial enlargement which covered the range of paranoia by promising to add 1-3 inches. his friends were supposed to call soon. he thought about eating to pass the time. if he wanted there were some leftover mashed potatoes next to some disturbingly bright green zucchini. on the second shelf was some rubbery looking chicken he had left behind the bright orange plastic gallon of orange juice. instead, he clicked on the television and went through his usual channels...series of images flashed on then morphed into something else. dramatic music rose up as a narrator said "today watch judge amy goynavich preside over the case of her life as her daughter..." then another channel where two newscasters talked in a foreign language in a hurried pace sometimes making deferences to the audience or someone when the pictures of soldiers bodies would fade out. i think those soldiers are from my country he thought for a second. the next channel had a gameshow contestant woman jumping up and down as neon lights went on and off and the audience clapped. next a fat ribald man uttered the immortal words "and that's what makes it good football" a girl in a bikini laughed at a guy's lame jokes in a hot tub while their roomate looked on in jealousy, a female senator addressed a crowd of silver haired white men, senators or congressmen or judges. he turned off the television. so weird he thought, when did we decide to become all of this. everyone is telling you that it helps you be an individual but really it just drowns you. we all agree, okay let's start this, but then we didn't know that there was no stopping. soon the only currency you have is nukes and checkcards and so you just have to keep going on from there. he wondered why his friends hadn't called yet. he decided to pretend he was running from them and go out on his own for a bit. later he'd just tell them he must've fallen asleep. he got up and walked out the door, closing it but not locking it. at the front of his apartment complex on the stoop a homeless man had fallen asleep in front of his sign that said "anything helps, even a smile" as if a smile was the worse thing that could be given to him out of anything he thought. he in a moment of absurdity bent over and kissed the sleeping man on the forehead. he expected at any moment for applause to start. nothing felt really all that authentic. even his friends seemed to have conversations that were scripted. they'd have the normal laughs, and then the acceptable crises but nothing that would slow anyone down. what he really wanted was to see her again. it'd beat pornography. he wanted the part of him that was with her to be real, not the part that ate rubbery chicken and fell asleep watching porn. at least with her he felt like there was something he could do, like there was some negotiating his role. she was like a shelter in a city of buildings that were built to shelter, but had become monsters.
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031028
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