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wanksta
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No future, no hope. It’s an excellent way to describe the punk movement, with its violent and tumultuous life aimed at achieving absolutely nothing. Nihilism? It’s just impossible to live that way. Anarchy? Please, even the most devout anarchist will admit they really want a decentralized socialist democracy, and just after they tell you we need to end war, they’ve put a bandana over their face and thrown a brick through a window.
No, the phrase ‘No Future, No Hope’ doesn’t mean any of that to me, but it is kind of a satisfied statement at times. Three in the morning sometimes comes by so lonely that one cannot help but take solace in the idea that its just not going to work out. Even though a lover feels so close, so obtainable, half a minute away, they are gone. They are gone not because what made them a lover is gone, but because their minds have been altered, their worlds have changed, and they find themselves living a different life.
And I wonder, can words adequately describe my feelings? Each crushing blow that piles up day after day. Is this love to put up with the emotional crucifixion that is watching her, watching him? Sitting at home knowing what’s going on and feeling so sad, so hurt. Then when she walks in, pretend like its nothing. Oh I’m happy to see you, oh you look beautiful tonight.
And really when you walk in, lover, I hate you. I hate you for what you do almost as much as I hate me for what I’ve done. But its okay I guess, take your time and come around.
No future.
No happy ten years from now, no kids or house or a car. No future, what a bleak statement but what a true one.
No hope.
No hope because each night the phone doesn’t ring, or each day you see him with that stupid self-satisfied smirk and you know why, you start to realize the phone is never going to ring, tomorrow is not going to be brighter, and you think about cutting your losses and cashing in your chips. After all, there are other casinos out there, aren’t there?
But the sad thing is that when one loses their glitz and glamour, their lover doesn’t lose that love, and so that lover will overlook the downfalls for the greater feelings, the greater love of the beloved.
Sometimes, when you put someone on a pedestal, the hardest thing to do is take them down.
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061111
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