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nice_guys_are_boring
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aexld
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My first love was a nice guy. An all around good and kind guy. Intelligent, funny, cute, etc., but most importantly, not an asshole. It took a long time for me to drive him away with my antics.
I followed up with a handful of not nearly so nice guys, though they had winning qualities. To some extent, they were all difficult.
In the spring of fwb ex's, I found a nice guy to date. A guy even more thoughtful, generous and kind than my first love. He was the stereotypical ideal boyfriend. Sang me songs with guitar by the fireside of his lovely home. Made me dinner and took me out to fancy restaurants. Genuinely cared about me and how I was doing. It was beautiful, except, once I was done being giddy, I realized I didn't really like him.
At first I thought it was just my self-esteem. I couldn't figure out why he didn't realize how fucked up I was at the time. But really, he just didn't do it for me. It was then that I realized that I actually didn't want a nice guy, a together guy, a cooperative guy...
For my next relationship, I picked what would turn out to be a major project guy. I would say that I wasted several years on him, but I learned and grew a great deal in that time. In trying to fix him I learned how to take care of myself (doesn't usually work that way, I don't think!). I fully experienced the depths of what it means to be with a selfish, abusive, wreck of a man.
After that ended, I strongly suspected that I had no clue about how to pick a person who was good for me. By that time I was in a poly community, and became a hot commodity after the break up, much to my surprise. I dated wildly but refused to commit. Eventually I settled down with not one, but two nice guys. Over time I became closer to one than the other, and I think that is partly because he was just a bit of an asshole.
I used to joke that he was just enough of an asshole to keep me interested, but basically a good guy. It's a joke but it's also true. He's good in the ways it matters. We're coming up on our 7th anniversary of me admitting that we were in a relationship, and it seems likely that we'll be together for another while
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130912
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epitome of incomprehensibility
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For some reason this reminds me of an episode in one of the Anne of Green Gables books. Anne goes out with this guy whose name starts with an R and who's very nice, Anne's idea of romantic, etc., but after a year or so when he wants to get engaged, she suddenly realizes she's bored. Bored of him, not knowing why, and kind of ashamed of it. But she breaks it off, because she just doesn't like him enough, and it wouldn't be fair to him either to pretend.
(Of course, she's in love with Gilbert, whom she hit over the head with a slate when she was twelve. Evidently he's a bit of a masochist. But that's irrelevant.)
So I don't think the point is that nice guys are boring - people can be great and romantic and all that, but just not right for you. Or me. Or whoever.
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130912
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ldeax
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Ah, so I can blame Anne for my proclivities, instead of my mom like I was thinking. And yes, it's partially a matter of the person being right for you or not, but I also do get repulsed by people who seem too nice/soft/easy going.
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130912
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unhinged
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.
but sometimes i kick myself
for not being married to the nice guy
but
the thought of spending the rest of my life
in the suburbs
wilted my soul
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130912
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Space Pirate Marzipan Jones
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who's a nice guy anyways?
the responsible guy?
the one who doesn't make drama?
the one who's willing to put up with all your drama?
the one with the sedan instead of the motorcycle?
the one who's got his shit together?
the one who carries your purse?
the guy who doesn't make waves?
a chump?
I'm jaded. I'm mistrustful. I'm mad. I'm not putting up with anybody's shit.
I'm probably still boring.
maybe sometimes 'nice_guys' do finish last but they don't always cross the finish line alone.
but I wanna be the nice_guy again. I wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve. fall in_love again like a 20 year old and not worry about getting used or hurt. I wanna share my life with someone and be able to trust them and not get annoyed with them.
but I'm just drifting. things get physical but I don't have a deep emotional connection. I don't commit. it's part apathy, part fear.
they get upset because we just spin our wheels and I don't care. we finally drift apart or we break_up and I'm mostly okay with it. I never thought I'd be like this when I was young and desperate to be with someone. desperate to be in love.
maybe it's just a phase though. maybe I'll stop wanting just a casual drama free physical relationship.
and now I'm on a dry spell, wondering if I should just get used to being_alone.
so maybe I haven't met the right girl yet. that's what they say but what if it's just me?
does one need a partner to fully realize one's potential?
no, I don't believe that.
but it couldn't hurt, right?
besides. I'm not a mean guy.
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130912
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no reason
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this is interesting to me. i used to wonder why the people i'm most attracted to seem not to be good for me, and i think i figured out that it's not because they're not nice (on the contrary — they have to be genuinely nice people), but it's because they challenge me in some way.
a guy (or let's say person) who is charismatic, confident, intelligent, and on your wavelength will probably be considered attractive or interesting, whether or not they're nice.
i've wondered before if it's possible to get the "nice" qualities and the "interesting" qualities together, and then i found out it is, though it may be rare.
i've come to know someone who is honest, bullshit-free, loyal, and considerate, while also being confident, independent, spontaneous, and funny. they're not perfect, mind you, but definitely nice and definitely not boring. if nothing else, this person has taught me that it's possible to be this way, which is comforting.
there's also a difference between "nice" and "lacking backbone" or "saccharine" that i feel is often overlooked.
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130917
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nr
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i should be clear that i mean i'm more attracted to people who challenge me (it's not the reason they're not good for me).
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130917
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in e_o_is experience
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...and when the nice qualities and interesting qualities are both there, you discover they're really far too good for you and/or are moving back to Europe...
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130917
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sweating hot
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Nice ones don't really fuck that hard. Like when I want some dick I want to get fucked hard. I want to feel his abs and know I'm being fucked by someone who can get things done! It's okay to be nice but don't be a fucking pussy bore.
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130919
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rhin
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i disagree. my guy is the least boring guy that i know. he is amazingly versatile, adventurous, and intriguing. we never stop laughing and our conversations are memorable beyond words. he is a nice guy with a huge heart and i am extremely lucky to call him mine.
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130919
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