blather
miss_the_connection
u24 the feed, the firehose, the homepage, the algorithm, the constant stream of the new, the 27 new notifications.

but they're all empty, meaningless, impersonal.

just once I want to feel a real connection with someone again.

y'all were nothing but words, but somehow so much more, too. 		230514
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Phil I feel different now
The old me is gone forever
This place is responsible for that
But I could live my new life here as well
Remembering forever
Building anew 		230515
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. i never really got into all the other trash on the internet because back in its hey_day this place was the embodiment of the spirit of what we all thought the internet should be.

i used to hate the fact that there was no way to edit blathes. now i am glad there is no way to 'moderate content'. even though my mouth is no longer welcome on red and i no longer attach a name to my writing on blue.

love you(s)

for as long as
this place works
i will be here
lurking
at the very least 		230515
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dafremen Blather is such an important place.

I miss the banter, the closeness, the everything we felt empowered to do by the blue. My heart is still there. But everything is so vague anymore when it comes to opinions and positions and judgement. It's made for some harsh words and moments around here. That's been going on for awhile.

The whole Covid mess decimated my ability to trust folks online or anywhere else. If I haven't met you in person, looked in your eyes, heard your voice..I've NOTHING to go on. Fickle people to me mean eventually being fickle-fucked. The whole world turned full blown zombie shortly after Epstein "hungulated himself." My "friends" and neighbors quickly started judging my mask and vaccine-related life decisions.

Not sure if anyone remembers how much freedom of expression means to me...to us. But Covid was a wake up call. We're surrounded by hordes of would-be dictators. A swarm that forms a giant hand meant for twisting arms and steering lives.

Still here. Still putting on a show. Miss you guys and still sorry for losing my shit on people around here during the Dark Days. Bad performance. D- 		230515
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Phil I told you I would fucking destroy you and you thought you could win. I am happy now and hope you are too. This is what happens when you shine your light on people. Even though you may have never truly known who I am, nor I you, this is possible; love.

You will be a part of me for the rest of my life and my memory of you will carry me to a gentle peace. Anytime I feel joy you will be part of it.

This is all a choice. I opened up my heart and realized I could love again, a greater love; not broken or sad. I know now that this connection will not be lost, until I am no more. 		230515
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. yes, this place has always had fights. entire pages devoted just to fighting and arguing.

but there were also poems, sagas, manifestos... whatever any of us felt at any given moment. collective creative anarchy. so it could devolve to sniping bickering and name calling fast. but it wasn't personal to me unless my mood was already destroyed.

or censorship, especially when it was behind the scenes in some cases but not in others. that was definitely personal to me. especially since i have been vocally anti_censorship here for decades. especially since the internet is currently full of ridiculous corporate censorship.

ah well
true colors were shown
i won't impose if i'm not welcome
i will stay as anonymous
as possible

but
i will still scrawl
on these bathroom walls
because
my friends around here
have lasted longest 		230515
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daf In a little township near here, there is a tunnel for bikes and hikers to pass under the highway before crossing the river. It's about 50 yards long and filled from top to bottom (including the ceiling)with every and any sort of imagery or poetry or goofy perversion you could imagine.

This in spite of the Eagle scout project to "clean it up" by painting the walls white and pristine, and installing cameras, so as to appeal to a different sort of sensibility than those who sought out it's anonymous and cozy confines.

The cameras are gone, and the clean canvas has been filled again. And yes, it smells like piss occasionally, but that's what some folks do with their freedom for all sorts of bad and silly reasons. But it's not a bathroom, and it's walls aren't bathroom walls, even when sterile white. And though some don't recognize the value of this outlet for free, unfettered expression, many do.

That's blather. It's a cozy, cool journey through the many moods of the universal mind. 		230516
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u24 "this place was the embodiment of the spirit of what we all thought the internet should be."

FUCK YES it was. 		230516
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. sad what has become of
both blathers
and
the internet in general
these days

maybe it's better
that i don't
attach my identity
to most of my writing anymore

maybe it's better
that i don't
waste my time
with people
who throw me out
with the dirty bathwater
of my unpopular opinions
to remake red in their own image
and call it a 'safe space'


yep...still bothers me even 15 months later. but at this point my principles mean more to me than pats on the back from phoney 'friends' who think they have the right to tell me what i am allowed and not allowed to say. or tell me i am unnuanced for stating facts. or tell me to come back to blue with daf since im just like him.

so here i am
still lonely
looking for connection 		230516
...
dafremen Sounds like you should behave the way they want you to so you are worthy of their acceptance. The blather clique has always been a clown show. Trust me, takes one to know one. 230516
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. i've been on the outside of the cliques since the fifth grade when i stayed home sick from school one day and the girl i thought was my best friend sent me a letter saying she didn't want to be friends anymore and convinced every other girl in both fifth grade classes to ostracize me too.

that is probably why i still care and am bothered by what happened.

but if rules for me
are different
than rules for people
who needed personal email invitations
i can take a hint

i opt out
of all this 'be nice'
safe space bullshit
when people are literally pushing dangerous shots on others
and getting offended when i call them out
on their fascist shit


i am not gonna remain silent
while that history is repeating itself
even if it costs me 'friends'
and a community I was part of for decades
they can have their safe space 		230516
...
dafremen A safe space is a gated community for those who can't afford one. Elitism is a disease. Here's an excerpt from my stepson's life:

"So 5 years ago today I got expelled from school for making an empty threat out of frustration. This is something I've never talked about on here but i felt i should address considering it is offically a half a decade ago. It was a very scary time for me having the police show up at my door and possibly going to juvy and getting a 20 year felony. All i wanted was someone to like me and have me as their friend and because someone i thought was my friend in school suddenly was giving me the cold shoulder and wanted nothing to do with me when i had done nothing wrong I got triggered and said some really stupid stuff out of hurt from being rejected. Not to mention almost all the other kids sitting at that lunch table who i also thought were my friends and i had also known for years were ratting me out about what i said to the principal. All because i just wanted a friend and instead got my heart ripped out. It felt like the whole world was against me at that time. Also, my mother had almost died of a bone eating bacteria in her neck in fall of the previous year. 2018 was probably the worst year of my life. I have changed and grown a lot as a person in these 5 years and life is much better now but that whole incident was like a nightmare. I'm just glad those days are gone."

I've spent 7 years helping him undo the damage that was done to him in the tan_brick mental meat grinder.

Academics are way too arrogant for a group of brain washers that help elitists cherry pick their way through working class talent while dividing those kids against each other.

The product of this slave auction shit show? Well-conditioned tools of "social progress." (No fair looking around at reality.) Some of them even become teachers so they can help keep the slaves coming through. Well conditioned zombies and broken people who have lost their sense of value, and see themselves as the left over garbage that didn't get picked.

I remember very distinctly that our children didn't call each other "stupid" until the first one came back from kindergarten.

Like I said, it's a clown show. *honks big red nose* *clicks oversized shoes* I should know. 		230517
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^^ see also: the_red_square 230517
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^^ see also: the_white_heath_incident 230517
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dafremen see also: cooper 230518
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Ouroboros words woven and that’s all and yet, we forged ourselves into timeless conduits together 230627
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u24 i always come here looking for solace and it only ever makes me sadder 241224
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u24 for what I lost or never had. 241224
what's it to you? blather
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