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m_and_m's
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Mr. Santiago
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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
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080714
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ever dumbening
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080714
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birdmad
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., indeed.
u love it.
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080714
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self correcting bird
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I love it
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080714
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dos
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I do the same thing with blonde pop divas.
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080715
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.
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do one of pop eye then.
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080715
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unhinged
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what about the other species? i would imagine nut_filled m_and_m's wouldn't survive this competition.
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080715
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Response from Mr. Santiago
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Nut-Filled M&M's, both of the almond and peanut variety, lack the genetic makeup necessary for proper survival in such competitions of valor and truth.
If your friend would like to further discuss this and study the matter I would point them towards the works of Fuller, especially his landmark paper: "Sugarcoated Shells: They are Strong"
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080718
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tourist
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Just A Thought,
If The "Winner" Is Immediately Placed Into Another Round, Have You Factored In The Potential Effects Of Your Body Temperature of The Victor's Armor Plate? It Seems To Me That A Potentially Weaker Opponent May Overcome Not By Superiority, But By The Luck Of Being Pitted Against An Opponent Weakened By The Softening Effect Of Your Hands.
I Know That The Company Claims They "Melt In Your Mouth, NOT In Your Hands" But Advertising Executives Are About As Trust Worthy As Used Car Salesmen, Don't You Think?
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080718
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e_o_i
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I don't know about all the random stuff being put up lately (yes, this is epitome of incomprehensibility speaking, in a case of "the iPod shuffle mode calling the subatomic particle random"), but this one is funny. Deliciously so.
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080718
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