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letter_to_a_blather_bud
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Dafremen
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Oh chicklette,
That's the funny thing really. So often we talk about compassion and goodwill, we talk about caring and understanding others, but we're so very selective in how we care and with whom we empathize...ya know? For instance, the vast majority of the people on blather would soothe yer self-esteem if you come on and talk about how sad you are and sob on their shoulders, but not EVERYONE reacts to pain that way. Where are they for those people? Where is their compassion when the kid comes in screaming at everyone and lashing out at the world because he's in pain? Because he's depressed? THAT was one of the reasons behind this whole Dafremen the asshole charade that I've been putting on for the last two years. I wanted to BE that guy. I wanted to understand, first why it is that some people become bad. I really never could believe that there is such a thing as a bad person, you know what I mean? I think there are good people reacting to bad situations and bad feelings. I think that what happens a LOT is that they project their hurt onto others. When they feel like they're not accepted, they project that by hurting others, f*cking girls over or whatever. Hey look at me, I'm Mr. Cool-Couldn't-Give-A-Sh*t and look who I nailed and now she's crying..dumb bitch. In my mind, THAT is a bad guy, but I think that's really the final stage...I think that there was a point at which that person could have been turned onto another path, a more caring path...even though some people are just naturally selfish, they don't naturally go around hurting people. It's the evolution of a wound or aberration that festers from some time in their past, one that they act out.
The second thing I wanted to understand was how society reacts to people in pain that lash out. I wanted to see firsthand, the role that society plays in creating monsters. It's simple really:
Step 1: Person is hurting.
Step 2: Person doesn't trust people enough to be open about their feelings, so they lash out instead. (After being hurt by...PEOPLE...who can blame them for not trusting?)
Step 3: Society reacts by lashing back. Defending the "innocent victims" of this person who is only really acting out their pain. They make this person a "bad guy" and villify, crucify and badger him until he or she shuts up.
Step 4: Person in pain now shuts up, bottling his pain inside, but it doesn't last and he lashes out again and again, with similar results.
Step 5: Society continues to push this person farther and farther outside of itself. There is no compassion, there is no caring, this...after all...is the BAD GUY.
Step 6: Eventually, the grumpiness, the lashing out and the cruel behavior become a habit for the person.(Believe it or not, playing the role JUST HERE ON BLATHER for two years almost did it to me..I caught myself on several occasions.) The original pain is replaced by the pain of rejection and having to face a cruel, unreceptive society.
Step 7: Once outside of society, the skies the limit as far as anti-social behavior goes...isn't? After all, if society becomes the enemy..isn't that what antisocial is all about? Going against society?
This snowballing effect can be demonstrated. I have shown that. DESPITE hard evidence to the contrary, and even with real knowledge of the goodness inside of a person, the VAST majority in society STILL fail to recognize the symptoms of suffering, instead choosing to see the cruelty. It like they think a person is Jekyll and THEN they think that he's Hyde. It's as if they DEMAND that individuals present their suffering in a socially acceptable manner. I find that offensive myself. I really do, mainly because people in pain, like animals in pain, don't always think or behave in a rational manner. Secondly, and this is more of a personal philosophy, I don't believe that compassion and understanding should be subject to having conditions placed upon them. Either you are compassionate and capable of understanding another's plight or you are NOT. If you are not, for gawd sake, don't jump in to slay the dragon if you're not willing to determine if it's even a dragon you're facing first. It might simply be a poor person with a thorn in their foot, acting out their pain and you, by playing society's glorious and shining hero, may be doing nothing but pushing their thorn in farther, to SOCIETY's detriment.
The most unfortunate thing of this WHOLE Dafremen at blather incident is that I've probably had to push gawd knows how many thorns in myself in order to demonstrate this phenomenon adequately to myself.
To those people who have been hurt by anything I've said, I can only apologize, and offer a truly sympathetic ear and mean it.
Anyhow chicklette, sorry I ranted, as you can probably tell I'm going to post all of that, but I wrote it just for you, and you'll always know that too...wontcha? I'm so glad you're feeling better! Everything going your way yet? If not, read a book called Excuse me, your life is waiting. It will help..guaranteed. Or write to me some more if you're down. I really do care about you..along with everyone else on the planet. I think the "human condition" is so sad and lonely that whatever I can do to ease the burden, I would gladly do. I would love to do your chart too, do you mind? I would need your Time Day Month and Year of Birth along with your Place of Birth to do it right. Send me that stuff and I'll have it for you within a day or two. Also...have you thought of joining daffy_nation yet? We can always use a good fighter and a good heart.
Lemme know, and stay cool,
Your blather bud,
: ) Daf
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021126
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Fuck You.
An apology from someone who admits that they were an asshole (acting like one MAKES you one, dear) and is proud of it is worth absolutely nothing.
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021126
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?
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how can you be certain that the letter to whom this is meant for, will know that it is meant for her? suffice it to say, you may very well not get the response that you are seeking.
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021126
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Dafremen
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Consequences. They aren't foreign to me, so I'll hang my head for awhile and listen to you berate me. I never said I was proud, I said it was something that I did. No it does not make me an @sshole. It makes you percieve me as one and I'm certainly sorry for that. You have my apologies (I mean that sincerely), but you WILL NOT have my self-esteem, nor will you have me cowering before the usual lashing back that our society has taught you is an appropriate response to my actions. It is not an appropriate response.
You have been unimpressed and disturbed by what I have done and I appreciate that. I have stood in your shoes and shook my head at myself more times than you will ever need to. Trying to belittle me more than I have already belittled myself is futile. I think you know that. If not, I hope that you realize that now. If you can't get over it though, its better, as I said, to walk away rather than promote more of this disease.
Oh..and I emailed it to her in response to her email to me of course. Then I posted it here.
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021127
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Suicide Snowman
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Oddly, that cheered me up... I don't feel quite so alone
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021127
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Dafremen
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You aren't alone Snowman. You have my email address, anytime.
Oh, and I promise to keep it real.
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021128
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Suicide Snowman
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dude, you have mine too... and I'm sure if you thought about it... you could figure me out...
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021128
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who are
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what the fuck?
you?
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021128
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Suicide Snowman
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no, the question is... who are you?
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021128
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no, that's really not the question.
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021128
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Dafremen
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Yes...yes it is. Just because you don't think the question is worth asking DOESN'T mean it's not the question.
Besides Bob, you have enough acceptance here to speak your words outside of anonymity.
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021130
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duh
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bob wouldn't bother talking to you at all, let alone anonymously
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021130
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Death of a Rose
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holy fookin shite and the slippery slide wandering down the poophill batman..
daf, i must type this now or forever hold my peace (yah..intentional misspelling...let bsc joust me to death...hehe...double entendre...huh...did i spel tht rite...hehe...)
as i was saying daf,
this came up on the random 3 phrases catch home of blather and out of curiosity (again...sp?...fook it) i clicked on it...maybe searching for ole rememberances of blathers past, i don't know what....dazed and confused.
you are an egotist of the greatest sort, and i have scoured these beaches of your redoubt and pondered wisdom...a small note from me to you (as you know I'm not a great orator or philosophizer....fuck bsc and all the reincarnations....). but at this smallest of moments for me, it was a pleasant surprise for moi to stumble unwittingly upon your oration.
i look forward to falling asleep from your grandstanding...
:-) smiles by the way.
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031226
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egger
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031227
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