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calum
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I had just returned home from work and was relaxing in my living room. I was minding my own business, totally oblivious to the world and her cares. No blasphemy, irreligious thoughts, no sodomy or plans to sabotage to church.Nothing. I was just sitting at home relaxing to barry manilow and you did n't like it. One minute I"m relaxing, the next you appear in the centre of my living room swathed in incandescence and heralded by the bugles of cherubim. I mean, why me?.And I was so polite to you I said: hello jesus son of god the only god, great saviour of man, the dove of peace and goodly shepherd who shall lead us all into paradise but you said stop your squaking wretch for I am christ, the annointed one and I have come for the records. At first I was perplaxed as to these nature of these records but then you made yourself quite clear you pilfering virgin-born swine. You pointed at collection of manilow records. You said, thunderously "I have been looking for some manilow for nearly a millenium" Well that's a lie, he's only been around for about sixty years and what the hell is the son of god doing ferreting around dingy suburbs looking for barry manilow records anyway. Don't you have an HMV in heaven ? What kind of heaven is that? .you said "I am so tired of the sound the sound of trumpets and I would like nothing more than to sit down in my favourite throne whilst listening to the smooth croon of manilow and dinking a bud from a gilded chalice. If you know what is good for you, wretch you shall hand them over now or I shall number your days and when you have given up the ghost you shall roast forever in the tarry fires of perdition." I said you can't do that!. "just try me" you boomed. What could I do. you looked meek enough, standing there in your loincloth and bleeding onto the carpet but those cherubim hovering around your head, they looked a little frisky so I thought it best to avoid a fight. Well jesus I want my manilow records back and if dont get them I'm going to tell eveybody the truth, which is that the son of of god has the word "Mum" tatooed on his lower buttock and that those bloody cherubim of yours shat all over my bathroom.
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030829
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