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historical_navel_gazing
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xeadl
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I agreed to tell my story to a stranger, that it might help others trying to overcome depression. Two hours of straight talking, is not enough, to tell everything.
I've spent a reasonable amount of time reflecting on how I got from_here_to_there. I've extracted some major themes, some vital turning points, some "things that helped." But maybe I don't fully understand my own story.
Maybe I never will, because I've learned another thing: spending too much time remembering the past is bad for the present. In a flash, I can remember one terrible thing I did, attempt to forgive myself, and move on. But a whole pile of remembering can get a little too queasy.
And as I told my story, I almost felt like it wasn't true. It's not true. Because it's the past and the past doesn't exist anymore.
It's become so that it's hard to explain why I did some things. It's like explaining what you did in a dream or as a young child. The logic that led you there is long gone.
Historial navel gazing also pulls the self into forgetting how small and how fleeting it is. What was my minor drama in a sea of humans? A speck in a galaxy, in time, too small to see. Too small to note.
Yet, there was so much. Too much to describe in two hours and too much to remember in a night of insomnia.
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130211
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in a silent way
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while the past makes us who we are, or who we'll one day become, revisiting it can sometimes be a bit like returning to a foreign country we once called home. some of the old associations come back, and at the same time, we wonder how we ever lived in such a place. we've changed, but the old haunts have all stayed the same, and the old clothes no longer fit. some of them are so ugly, we're embarrassed to admit we ever owned them at all. even the salvation army wouldn't take those outfits.
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130211
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past
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Richard III.
That said, I'll take you on a historical walking tour of my neighbourhood to see how then became now becomes tomorrow.
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130211
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fugazi
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"you can't be what you were, so you better start being just who you are"
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130221
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no reason
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every time i see the title of this page i picture people staring at the belly buttons of people in history.
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130222
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