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getting_drunk
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jane
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(comes with a certain amount of regret.)
he took the night off work and we went out to elkhorn with steve and rita, after meeting up with them at cheers and having a drink. at the elkhorn, my stomach had shrunk down due to lack of intake, and i could only eat a quarter of the bbq pulled pork sandwich and some french fries. but i managed to suck down a beer, two or three lemon drops, and a shot of tuaca. we rolled dice to five and i won each dollar in a row, best out of three for each of them. rita wasn't drinking because of her program right now, so she had agreed to drive us back to cheers. back at cheers, i had two more lemon drops and maybe some beers? there was a guy there in a straw hat named chris who was from portland. he said that his job was that he traveled around the country sharpening haircutter's instruments, like shears. i asked him if he set up his business before he traveled or the other way around. he said it was the other way around - that he travels to a place first and then finds the clients. i pointed out how incredibly flawed his business model was and began to rip him a new one very subtly. i could hear the guys behind me laughing as this was occurring and it fueled my fire. i wasn't trying to be mean, but this chris guy said something to them behind me, and they said, just call her God. he said, can i at least get my beer and shot? i told him i've had to piss for a half-hour but i didn't leave the conversation. i laughed and walked to the bathroom, and when i came back i just got in my seat and asked if he wanted to roll again, ignoring chris behind me. i heard chris ask if anyone wanted to talk about shears still, and when no one spoke to him, he left. we kept rolling even though i wanted to stop while i was ahead. we switched the game from boss to 1-4-24 and - what do you know - i lost the money back to him. we remained even for a long time and then decided to just stop because it wasn't fun anymore. at some point he called angelo to pick us up; we came back to the house to leash up the dog and walked to the shady lady, where i had a pimm's cup and a beer. they were closing up, so i pocketed the rest of my beer and on the way back we ran into james, who i never wanted to run into again. he was walking the exact same direction so it was kind of awkward, but i had the dog to walk and a beer to nurse, so i didn't talk much. they were getting along well and james said he had beer at his house, which was only a block away from mine, so i dropped the dog off and fed her and came back out the front door. i asked them what they had been talking about, and they said simultaneously, "you." that made me nervous but i had to live with it. walked to james' house, up some stairs, across a walkway and there were some guys partying. i yelled at one whose belt was unbuckled and wasn't wearing any shoes, and when he replied i said, "i can't even hear you!" in his new place, i finished up my beer and got a new one out of his fridge. we talked for a while and then decided it was about time for us to go home. i borrowed a dvd that had the time machine on it. i was excited that he had it because it's one of my favorite movies. we walked back and when he threw a bottle into the bushes, i climbed over the fence to pick it up. there was some kind of misunderstanding about this, but it was after 3am and we worked it out quickly. the rest that happened is my business, but he had to leave at some point to take care of his dad and others. nothing bad happened - this wasn't like the time i had drinks by myself and pissed the bed or anything. i'm pretty sure i never embarrassed myself or him. so why is it that after such a wonderful evening together, that i remember pretty much in totality, that i wake up consumed with guilt? is it because it reminds me of times that i was not so well-behaved? that even though i never acted out, i still didn't have control over my actions? that i am powerless against the booze and i know i should quit? that it is one of the only ways i can connect with other people, or stop my brain from working for a little while? what is this guilt? and how do i convince myself that i can be a good person through this, that i didn't lose control, that everything is and is going to be okay...?
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100212
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unhinged
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(is this a rhetorical blathe or would you like my opinion/experience?)
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100212
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j
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i'm not one for setting blatherules, and i am always interested in your experiences...
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100212
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Doar
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ah...empathic_vibrations
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100212
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Jurisprudence
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I can do it in tandem, with giggles, smiles and my arms wrapping around. Other times I do in anger to try and stop thinking, feeling and to escape from being awake. I'm a hypocrite to do the very thing I want others not to do. Like most people, I want only the good times and wish to forget the sad times of waking up with a sour taste in my mouth, shaking and needing warm arms more than ever.
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100213
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daxle
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Turns out, I wasn't missing anything. I suspect I'll need to double check now and then, though.
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100305
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Ouroboros
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wish i liked
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100501
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nostalgiakid
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Mission for tonight. Already underway.
I must be doing it right since I've already forgotten what I'm running from. Here's to another night I won't remember.
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100723
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unhinged
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because drinking water doesn't bring me the same satisfaction
but it's kinda funny how an entire day of steady drinking catches up with you when you're tired
because it's the only thing to do in milwaukee
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100724
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unhinged
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because you are in las_vegas
so i have nothing else to keep me up at night
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100724
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Ouroboros
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we drank wine and patron at her house before taking the bus over to the club where the line was around the block and we got in for free because she knows the owners and inside was steamy and meat market vibe all dressed up in burner faux fur, and we made it to the side room where the crowd was smaller and the music was grooving and we danced and danced.
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110206
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falling_alone
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remember when we used to think how if we got drunk, we wouldn't be our crazy ass selves, but be on a normal level of sanity.
sometimes it feels like that when i drink now.
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110206
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unhinged
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doesn't seem as important as it used to be. i had one glass of wine with dinner last night. just one. and i feel healthy today.
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110207
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