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e_p_h_e_m_e_r_a_l_i_t_y
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nah....!
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you jump in the car. i never imagined how good it would feel to have you in the passenger seat, my passenger seat. i waited until last week to get my license, to take the road test. (i'm 21 – i'll be 22 in may for fuck's sake) and now i'm wondering what the hell i was waiting for all this time. if i had known how wonderfully intoxicating it would be to have you here like this, in the front seat of my car, the front seat of my life......i don't think i would've waited even a minute more than i had to.
the blue in your eyes melts and swims around, staring at me.
you move over slightly in your seat. my heart pounds. i can hear it. the tips of my fingers pulsate against the steering wheel. you tilt your head down. i rest mine on the wheel, gazing at you. i try reminding myself that you're different now, that you're unreachable. i try and try and try, but it's useless; hopeless. all i see is the boy i knew then.
the love . the life . the sweetness . you're still the same to me, no matter how i look at it.
i wonder what you're thinking right now.
"penny for your thoughts," i say, trying to be cute.
"not thinking much," you whisper and smirk. your lips are bright red . thick . voluptuous . i ache for them.
i ache for you.
we arrive at a dark, empty parking lot. suddenly a feeling of fear comes over me, but it quickly changes to excitement . i turn to look at you.
"let's get out of the car," i suddenly say, and you're opening the door before i even turn off the engine.
we're at our old high school. the feeling of being there is familiar yet removed because it's been years since i have graduated....even more since you have. we walk to a stone bench that overlooks the pond. the sky is sparkling, reflecting itself in the calm, rippling water.
i run my fingers up and down the veins in your hands and arms, closing my eyes. taking you in like this makes me drunk with desire and insanity and love and lust and sweetness and vigor and more more more until i feel i'm about to burst with sugary vigor.
i can't believe what i'm about to say to you. it's foolish, it's cheesy. sometimes it's not even true. but right now, right now it's running through my mind begging to escape, to enter the air that you breathe.
"you make me feel alive." there. i've said it. i expect you to laugh, but you don't. instead you stare at me, your blue puddles swirling around and shining at me. an unbelievable feeling of weakness rushes through me. you inch toward me and take my hand, gently pulling me off the bench and over to a grassy area where you drop yourself to the ground and lay down. you draw me toward you, embracing me. i feel your heart. i feel you. it's real again, it's mine again. you're here, you're with me. the moment is alive.
i am alive.
i lift my body up, my arms extended, my hands on the green. looking down at you, my hair brushes across your neck and face. you lift your hands, running your fingers through it, moving it back and then letting it fall again, pulling me closer. down, down, down to your mouth, your sweet sweet lips, your love, your energy. you kiss me like you always used to, so slowly and with *incredible* fervor. our tongues meet and dance. i open my eyes to see the shape your face takes while your kissing me. it's the most beautiful shape i've ever seen. your lips are the softest mine have ever known. this feeling is with me every time i kiss you. this feeling is unmatched. you're so warm. my mouth is so at ease with yours. i swear i could kiss you forever.
but soon,
soon it will all be over, and i'll have to wait years to even see you again.
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020218
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nah....!
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all you are these days is ephemeral.
transient.
most days i feel you're worth it anyway, no matter how fleeting the time i spend with is,
no matter how fleeting you are.
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020218
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nah....! editing her damn self
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time i spend with you* is
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020218
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nah....! thinking she should shut up
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why did i put the word 'vigor' twice in the same paragraph like that? i didn't mean to. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate it when i do that and i hate it even more when i call attention to it, but not calling attention to it makes me feel incomplete.
god damn fucking obsessive compulsive bull fucking shyte.
i'm sorry.
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020218
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nah....!
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i wish that i would proofread better before blathing.
but if i did, i might not have the courage to hit the blather button, because i might not feel the same rush of confidence about my writing that i felt before the proofreading. aw shit.
is that good or bad? i think both.
blah blah blah
it's sleepy time.
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020219
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farmfish
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nah...! :
your name should be, yeah...!
you're so freakin' cool. i didn't even notice the vigors being there twice, you just led me in to your experience like i was sittin' somewhere watchin.'
they are honest, true thoughts, and i'm all inspired by readin' 'em. i want to be a kissa like that!
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020219
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bethany
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beautiful there were tears. i'm too diconnected from love to really feel it the right way, but i read it and liked it. good.
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020219
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nah....!
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here's something you may or may not find interesting: he's not fictitious, and i'm not fictitious, but the story is. it never actually took place. i've merely drawn from my past experiences with him to create this piece. i hope that doesn't detract from my writing.
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020219
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nah....!
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i did in fact get my license last week though, and i am almost 22. and he *is* that great of a kisser (or 'kissa', as farmfishie said.)
: )
ha.
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020219
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carne de metal
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhgone!!!!!
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020220
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silentlybroken
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More than two years. Two years.
I wonder where you are now
And what you're doing
Who you're kissing.
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040526
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