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Moirai
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I'm walking away in steps that never should have been. Backwards in hopes that I can turn time rearward. I haven't given up ... simply negotiating reality, face forward, as I retrace action.
We used to talk all the time.
You would call me.
(with such love and affection)
(special words devoured)
You would text me.
(a quick line in solo or duet)
You used to email me.
It was all so intimate
alive, genuine, free.
And now
there simply are no words.
I tried to get you to open up,
but instead
you just seemed to have chosen
to shut down.
I want to repress the fact
that you're just not that
interested in me.
A millions miles apart.
and oh so tired of complaining
that you feel so distant.
I just don't know
if I can love you anymore
from this absence.
A lot of little things adding up.
Gradual deteriorations taking their toll.
Premeditated emotional abandonment
on any level is hard to endure.
But you've stopped investing.
detached: I am left feeling
a slow
dying
quiet death: unwanted.
When you never think of me.
distance will loom in social periphery.
I ponder the cause.
unforgiveness?
callous treatment?
lack of effort?
lack of time?
fear of talking?
living in denial?
Between us this interruption
has been nothing but overwhelming.
To recognize what I can no longer perceive
I come back to these exhausted steps.
However, this issue is nothing new
you've heard it from me before.
And I've honestly tried my fair share
of talking direct but gentle.
Still ...
lingering unmet needs
fill the absence of sound.
I've asked myself
what have I done wrong?
I've tried my fair share;
-intentionally re-engaging
-acting kindly towards you
-loving unconditionally
allowing time to do her work.
Yet your silence is nothing but
a reverberation in passage.
Heel to toe - toe to heel
Traversing all that is worn out
while past events flicker
echoes of enduring disasters.
Arduously I retrace footsteps.
Renegotiating the future
the further I withdrawal.
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090128
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