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re_alisma
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whether to think it further growth opportunities and investment strategies or to see it all as just another lesson in a long parade of lessons, i can't even tell. i do have a good guess that the lessons are rather light these days, but the stakes are too high to rule out that i'm not in trouble, and this time, bigger. then again, i could be exaggerating and blowing the proportions out, though i doubt anybody has the right judgment call, either. the Blind Men and the Elephant. so i think i shall abstain from judgment and conclusions, and even cut down on the experimental approach, in a really grand way.
if there was ever a choice, it wasn't me that resolved to it. sure i could have made it, but it wasn't really required of me. so let me be cautious and non-rejectionary and not make choices, and let me be this way for as long as humanly possible, or i feel particularly needful, or there arises an opportunity that can't be missed.
anyway, for god's sake, everything seems to be okay, and i even believe it will be okay, it's just that i'm going nuts thinking there's something that i should or should not be doing, when it's just the typical typical things that are always expected, and i've unfortunately got this drama/boredom oscillator life-story.
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110223
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