blather
miscellaneous_indecisions
bite_me life is a trap
if you're a christian,
its a cruel joke
i live in the agony
of not knowing where i'll go after death
i want to do so much in this life
but it's not christian
i want to be a wiccan
i want to study rituals and arts of the craft
however
i am prevented
because i don't know if there's a god.

life is a trap
if you believe in the bible,
then suicide is a sin
so if you commit suicide
then you are left earthbound,
a powerless spirit
and then,
when you stay in your helpless state until you get pulled irretrievably into hell.

but if you need to die
if you desperately want to die
there is no way you can
you are trapped
if you commit suicide by throwing yourself in front of a car
by taking pills
by shooting yourself etc
you are still doing the act yourself
so what can you do?

im so confused right now.
040314
...
smurfus rex I say postpone your plans for suicide. You say you don't know if there is a god. Now is the time to find out. Begin a journey for knowledge and explore the teachings of other religions. You don't necessarily have to subscribe to any of them, just research them. Like you're doing a book report, y'know? Examine them under the light of objectivity or, if you prefer, through the lens of Christianity and see what you find. There is so much to discover on a quest like this that premature death would be vastly disappointing. See what you can dig up about:

Christianity and Gnosticism
Islam and Sufism
Judaism and Kabbalah
Paganism and Wicca
Buddhism and Zen
Hinduism and Sikhism
Zoroastrianism

Find the arguments for and against each one and explore the offshoot topics that are attached to them. When you've made it through the list, then you can revisit your thoughts on suicide and see if that's something you still want to consider.
040314