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good_home_needed
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blown cherry
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I have a place to sleep, but it's not enough.
It's not right.
I need a home.
I need a place where I can go home to, and go HOME.
Somewhere I can go and shed the many masks of the day, and NOT have to replace them with more.
Somewhere where I do not have to hide from the other inhabitants.
In fact, a place where there are no other inhabitants.
My place.
My home.
Oh how I miss the blue carpet.
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020510
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CRO
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move out.
you know you want to
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020510
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kerry
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raise enough money
fly to atlanta
buy yourself one of those bass lofts across from the variety playhouse
paint everything blue
and keep your computer in the corner,
a bed in the middle,
and poems scrawled across rice paper all over the windows
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020510
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poetic_onslaught
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my wish fullfilled. after 18 years of moving from apartment to apartment to apartment we finally got a house. its far from here but that might be a good thing because i really do need to put the past behind so i can live again. its empty over there just like my soul. isolated just like me. (georgetown by austin). the nights are dark and reveals so many more stars than what can be seen from here. ive been imagining myself sitting on the porch of that house at night, just sitting there looking at the star-filled sky. the only sounds are from whatever the hell those insects are called. ill finally get my dog that ive always wanted and never had. its a big change and im happy and scared at the same time. im happy because ill have a place to move on to and let go of my past. but im scared because i still dont wanna let go of the past no matter how much it hurts to remember it. that was the only life i knew. the only life ive ever known, and when i move to georgetown its just gonna hit me harder when i realize that those times really are gone. i dont wanna believe that. it hurts too much to believe that. i fear that sitting there in the dark, looking at that endless star-filled sky with no noises to be heard is only going to make me crazy again. when i realize exactly how alone iam. im nothing. my life is gone. im a fuckin nobody. shit, fuck it. fuck everything. fuck the world. shit that mentality doesnt even help no more. i cant say "fuck the world" and feel like i have nothing to lose like i used to. everthing is gone and i have no one. i used to think "fuck the world" and be free. its not the same when you dont have people to share this thought with. with out anyone to not give a fuck with its just one step closer to insanity. i dont know what to say. i know what i feel but can never express it right. i guess you need to have strong feelings to explain stuff like that and all i have is emptiness left over from the life sucked out of me. it hurts not being able to explain the hurt that haunts me. ill always be lost. ill always have this hole scarred into my soul.
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020510
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