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curious toys
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everyone had left and it was just him and i alone. we just sat there in silence. it was that comfortable silence we've had before, but inside i was aching for him to speak...so i sat there waiting...but no words. i left without saying goodbye that night. it was ok, i'd done it before. he thought nothing of it. but had he done so to me, i would have been broken. i left thinking that he would leave as well because he was never comfortable sitting by himself. for a while i thought he was only staying to keep me company, to be in my company, to share a silence that was so familiar. but i looked back (i know i'm not supposed to look back. i now know why)and to my disappointment, he was still there where he had been all night..waiting. he didn't know i was watching him. and still i kept watching him. and nothing changed. he just sat there...waiting... for her. and it killed me. had i stayed or left, it_wouldn't_have_made_any_difference. he wouldn't have moved an inch. he wouldn't have said a word. he had been waiting and saving his words for her.
he wasn't staying for me. i would've stayed for him forever, or at least until the sun came up but it_would_hurt_even_more_if_i_did ... so i knew i had to go.
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020823
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