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unhinged
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i think i am finally learning to reconcile my rational mind and my heart. when it comes to falling_in_love the two are at a disconnect. that is how my mindheart functions. there is no use in wishing for it to be different. that's just the way it is for me.
i can tolerate a lot from the people i love. i have to learn how to set boundaries so that tolerance doesn't turn into abuse. i have to learn how to speak up.
(the image of a turtle keeps coming to mind lately. when i am threatened, i retreat. deeply and far. it takes patience and a fair amount of prodding from the others in my life to coax me back out. that is a pattern that was set for me in childhood. ever since i heard acharya maull talk about compassionate and fearless communication i keep noticing the imprints ingrained in me from so long ago.
'most of us when threatened, revert back to the mechanisms we learned when we were two years old. it worked for us then. why wouldn't it work for us now?' sic
the chuckles of recognition around the room were like music)
bodhicitta
basic_goodness
on_contentment
i am funneling my self
into a happiness container
bottling up my love
and handing out for a rainy day
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