blather
you_believed_in_me
stork daddy the boy had an english teacher as a senior who took the time out of his life to notice that the boy wasn't as sound as he looked to everyone just taking a glance. and he worked with the boy, and he tried to show my example what makes life worth maintaining. the boy eventually graduated college and one day went to call the teacher. all he wanted to say was "you were the only one who believed in me". he found out after numerous phone connections, that the teacher had killed himself a year ago. it was such a strange feeling, how had he been so strong to help another when he himself was so floundering. and were these things he passed to the boy things he himself considered deceptions? or maybe he had passed his soul onto him, maybe it was a torch he had lit. and what would the boy do with it? 050902
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afrika crumples you fucking bitch
all i ever wanted was your fucking approval

but you never did
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oldephebe THAT

was heavy
...
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unhinged it's easier to believe in others
when you can't believe in yourself
to say the things out loud
that your reason and even your own heart
won't surrender to
hoping that it would be enough
to save them
because you couldn't save yourself from it
the rift between emotion and logic
it is easier to notice what others may glance over
when you notice it in yourself
know that if someone had caught you
when you were younger
you might not be falling this way now




it is easier to believe in others
when you had the voice implanted in you
that denies belief in yourself
nagging voices of inferiority
you can't escape
because the voice is your own
even when you recognize the source
the voice is still your own
echoing_thought
the effort of fixing yourself
caught in the rift of emotions and logic
too much to bear
but if you get to them soon enough
maybe they could escape it
the inexolerable downward tug
changing lives
one out_stretched hand at a time
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