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silentbob loves you
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It got colder tonight. the sky was this emerald or saphire or diamond or ruby. a crystal. a gem. a jewel. that i could see my reflection in. then it got dark and cold. but thats ok. i'm not a cold person. but that's ok. i can take heat, it just doesn't bother me. but i'm not a cold person. i don't like the cold. im not a shivering person. i can't function that way. but im clutching myself regardless as i walk back home. Occassionally i'll see two people int he parking lot. it will appear to me they're kissing. as i get closer i'll see they're talking. Shows where my mind's been. i'm holding myself. As i walk. because its cold. but i can take it. The rabbit up ahead. it runs and hops to escape me, goes around tthe curve of the sidewalk. now i'm completely alone. Thast the way i like it. i'm by myself. i'm comforted by this fact and i think i know why. it reminds me of a horror movie and that any moment someone is waiting. with a bat. ready to jump out. but they're not. so i'm comfrtd because that means the night belongs tom e. i feel strong. sometimes i wonder if im manic depressive because my mood changes so suddenly. but then i realize it really isnt that bad. i'm only human and i deal with what i must. and that must mean i have strength. i'd be dead by now if i twerent strong. the kind of strength that allows me to walk through a generation of dilapidated neighborhoods with my head up. to cross without a glance. if there were only a wishing well here right now, or maybe one of those shopping mall fountains you know that make your wishes come true, i'd throw all my change in to make sure that it would it. i'd wish that thered be an element of this night in everything i do in the future. its so perfect. just me and the cold. and my arms holding me for warmth and security. another wish, if i were so bold as to make two, would be that someone else could feel the security of these arms. someone worth it. who deserved it. who deserved me. so it wasn't wasted. so i could spend this and more nights like this alone, but i wouldnt have to if i didnt want to. that there wouldbe that option. if i needed it. and i would risk laundry money if it meant that wish would come true
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020426
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