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yummyC
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teachers and...
im scared becauase the future is too uncertain. everything is not going to be okay. there are vicious realities waiting to bite me on the ass, and I'm only facing the ones in my mind. Those have driven me so close to death. whats going to happen to me when the physical realities come about? I need a car i need a job I need a house I need a life I need all this stuff that i can't imagine having the skill to get. People so much dumber than me make a living, but I just can't shake the thought that i am going to end up a complete failure. i don't even know whats going to happen. i don't know I can't control it. Its too late too late. they act like my grades determine my entire future. If I get a B and I don't get all these scholarships I wwill never get to college I will never get a job i will never leave home I will drive my parents into a financial wreck i will be thrown away i will go crazy i will be doomed to living off of what the government feeds me. IF I GET A B IN CHEMISTRY CLASS. I will die i will suffer worse than death i will be anxiety ridden like this for the rest fo my life, my life will never look up I can't enjoy my teenyears because i must make the sacrifice so I can retire EVENTUALLY and not have to work my entire life to survive. to scrape by. there is no demand for photographers or any other useless occupations that i have the possible skill for. Poets are useless things and the entertainment industry relies on music and theatre/movies... art and photography and poetry are doomed to the past and its not like i could get published if i wanted to because there a gazillion 15 year olds ten times better than me at writing and taking pictures and i havent learned any important life lessons yet i am ddooomed.
i am not going to make it.
if i get a B in chemistry. ferchrissakes, you think my teachers are trying to break me???
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020316
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