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waves_of_sadness
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daxle
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After all these years you'd think I wouldn't even notice him leaving again. But he got closer right before leaving. Was it worth it? Maybe we had more quality time together in a month than we would have had if he stayed for the next year.
It's okay to be sad. Normal to be sad. If accepted and felt, it will pass. No need to make it worse. No need to fight it.
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100810
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... |
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ergo
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Thanks
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100810
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unhinged
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what happens when you are stuck, sucked, pulled under? i've been crying for weeks.
friday i was out shopping before i had to meet up with some people for dinner and he kept calling my phone off the hook. i went outside to talk to him and dissolved into a puddle of tears; sadness, frustration, stress. a relationship isn't supposed to be that, at least all of the time like ours is.
this morning on the bus, still, again, tears welled to my eyes. i've been held under these waves for weeks. and the part that makes it the worst is how many times i wanted, tried, did pull him out of his and here he is holding me under.
'i love you
don't ever fucking question that
that's why we'll probably never get along
if i was better at finding the right words to say
i wouldn't need to write these motherfucking songs'
atmosphere
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100811
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daxle
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You answered your own question, I think: "a relationship isn't supposed to be that, at least all of the time like ours is."
I can't know exactly what you're going through, but I've been stuck in relationships where I was stuck on trying to fix things over and over and over again. I've been in relationships with obsessive callers and texters (oh and I've been that person too eep!). If things get to that point, they can never really be good. Ever. How could things possibly ever be normal and happy after so much crazy shit?
The best thing you can do is to cut the cord.
That way the hurt is finite instead of endless, at least.
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100814
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unhinged
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cut_that_cord
stressed_to_tears
and yet
when you walked_away from me just now
like i wasn't worth more than a glance
it still hurt
there is part of me that has resolve
part of me that is done answering the telephone
but all it took
last week
was one repentant message
to make all the shit bearable
(it would help if you didn't live a half block away)
once_again
love_is_pain
fuck
misplaced_love
(how do i learn to put it in the right place?)
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100815
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daxle
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It passed. Glad I checked.
I often miss when things improve, because unlike when things get worse, it doesn't require any plan of action.
He left before, he'll leave again.
He came back before, he'll come back again (maybe).
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100830
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unhinged
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still crashing on top of my head
'i wish i had my friend nicole to talk to'
well you should have thought of that before you shit all over me again and again
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100830
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.
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drowned
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100831
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... |
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drowned
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100831
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unhinged
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fuck
keeping me awake again
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100901
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unhinged
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but i am finding
the_space_between waves
a little more bearable these days
as much as you shit on me
hurt me
you did help make me a better person
albeit indirectly
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110519
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unhinged
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really just don't make sense anymore after all the light he's brought into my life
i let_it_all_go
the stress
the guilt
the anger
the pain
i hope you find a happy ending
to your story someday
but i'm through
being a character
in this melodrama
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111004
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