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jane
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something my father said has been resonating with me, although he said it a long time ago.
i wish i could remember now what it was.
today i am sitting in washington square park; it was beautiful until i got here & the sun went behind the clouds. i ate lunch at au bon pain - i should have asked for a refund because my salad was wilted - then, walking here, a man told me to smile & all i could think was, what is there to smile about? then a guy bummed a smoke off of me & we had a nice little exchange (they're marlboro reds, can you handle them? - oh, i think i can - do you need a light? oh i thought my lighter had some sports team on it - "flic your bic"...i thought bic made pens? - and lighters. they're a growing industry - have a good weekend) (and then i had something to smile about, sort of). i'm smoking marlboro reds now. maybe if i smoke a pack a day i'll die in two weeks. i keep seeing the boys that i've fucked with their new girlfriends - i dont want to be alone anymore. i want to talk with a stranger - its colder now, i apologize to everyone in the park for making the sun leave. i wonder how many tourist's pictures i'm in, sitting under the arch
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040508
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