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unwanted_discovery
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Sonya
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The other day I stepped onto the smog-covered city bus and sat down in the seat I usually sit in (the one by the back door.) It is one of those seats that is sideways rather than facing forward and has no butt cushion. It was a seat that forced me to make eye contact with every eccentric stranger that walked past me. It was a seat I knew I may never sit in again...
A few eerily silent minutes tiptoed by as I was rummaging in my worn black bookbag for my tiny copy of Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. As I glanced up slowly, my brown eyes wary from sleepless college nights, I saw him sit down across the aisle from me. He was staring at me as if I was the latest edition to Floyd's freak show.
I could not turn away, but instead met his gaze with my intense "What are you looking at?" glare. It was then that I noticed his light brown hair damp from the rain, and his smoky grey messenger bag slung across his rain-soaked chest. I saw his black peacoat and his tattered hands. I couldn't help but feel a shred of guilt for giving him a hostile glance.
The faint grunt of the bus's engine interrupted our visual conversation and I immediately started reading. As my eyes skipped frantically from one word to the next on each page I could feel his stare stroking my hair and touching my lips. I felt a sense of awkwardness that made me start to shiver. Perhaps it was the cutting chill that was slowly seeping through the cracks of the windows or my own damp black hair against my neck that made me feel so exposed, so vulnerable, so dirty at that moment.
I glanced up once to meet his stare and not surprisingly he averted his azure blue eyes quickly in retreat. I smirked and went back to my reading. As soon as I returned to my imaginative voyage in this tiny paperback world he resumed his stare defiantly. I wondered if he could notice how extremely damaged I was or how annoyed I was with him for staring so intensely but not daring to speak. Then suddenly I was overpowered by a feeling of disgust not entirely at him, but at myself. The humbling realization set in that he was almost old enough to be my father.
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011216
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Mister Brightside
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in the sixteen and a half years that have passed since that summer afternoon, i've been privy to more than a few.
and wished i could just forget them all.
("experiences have a lasting impression")
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050102
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spilt_milk
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lingering eyes traced the cuts across his body, each scar holding its story deep within. he wouldn't say a thing, no matter how much it hurt. pain ceases to matter after a while, though he knew when the high faded he'd crash back into reality and tell all his stories, sobbing, trying to maintain his composure. but he still had a few hours before that happened.
instinctively he leaned back, away from the hovering globe infront of him. it beeped and twittled in seemingly randon sequences sending data back to its controller, hidden somewhere in a near by chamber. a red light lit and illuminated his retina, trying to trace a path through his nervous system, to hardwire his consiousness. he tried to close his eyes but found that he couldnt.
the little machine began to twittle and beep ever more excitedly as its probe reached further into his mind. not even the shera could protect him, though he had taken enough tablets to ward off any normal penetration for months. when the probe caressed his mind he felt all the knowledge stored there rise and slowly move towards the pulsating energy.
in an instant it was over. he released his physcic energies, accepting his fate, in the process overloading the interogation droid. his body fell from consiousness, barely maintaining its hold on life.
in the next room the controller lay slumped over his controls, his breath dim and fading as a result of the backlash of energy flowing through the control pad.
instead of killing the man, or even holding him for further interogation the troopers who came to recover his body uncerimoniously dumped him in the river. three days later he woke washed up on a beach with a pounding headache.
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050719
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marked
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050720
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unhinged
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destroying_my_own_sanity
what_we_meant_to_each_other more aptly titled what_you_meant_to_me
that conversation john_and_i had after i moved away about how he needed a female distraction to get over his ex and vaguely but not so vaguely hinted at me being that distraction. but i believe it now, tryed to deny it at the time, that more than anything i was just a distraction to him. typical i guess. he doesn't call me much anymore. must have found a new distraction.
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050720
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unhinged
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i'm so over him i can't decide whether i want to spit or slash my wrists
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050721
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.
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when she unexpectedly found me in her clothes and realised I looked better in them than she did.
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050722
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misstree
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my first boyfriend
when i was an innocent young lass of 14
showed up wearing my underwear.
each unwanted discovery has been more painful since.
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050722
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her royal highness the quirk
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you'll never feel the way i do about you
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050722
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nomme)
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dead spider in old cold dishwater
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050723
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spilt_milk
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his eyes closed and he tried to look forward, seeing only darkness. struggling to maintain his blindness, he tried again to see what lay before him, failing. slowly he focuses inward and the shapes around him flitted into the hazy darkness of his eye lids.
'she washes her hands as she fixes the dinner, but soon they'll be coming to rush her away, and no ones sure if her crime had a reason'
he shuddered and slowly opened his eyes, finding himself in his empty room surrounded by full sunshine. sighing he closed the curtains, he really thought it was night.
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050724
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epithet
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you were an unwanted discovery
(like peeling skin to find beetles underneath)
(like the missing pin turning up finally in the hard calloused heel of a foot)
(like the united states of america)
you bowled me right over
(like a boy about to punt a football, but she pulls it away at the last moment)
(like when the person you love most has proven you wrong and is keeping quiet about it)
(like water up the nose and it feels it is inside the teeth)
and I don't miss you now
(like the hiding and the horror
and the look-over-your-shoulder
and the droughts of isolation
and the glowing of impatience
and the rings around your eyes
and my terrified surprise)
you were an unwanted discovery
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050724
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