blather
unnamed_fear_now_clear
unhinged when the inhibition of what they would think melted at the sight of you, and i needed to touch you to make you real all the pushing away that i had been failing at became clear. if it all could only come out in simple words. all that time you were gone from my life i never realized how much you put there. even though the past was just a friendly hug sandwiched between joints, you always let me really hug you. and then you left and i tried to make my life right without you. i tried to forget that you were ever there. and then magically there you were again. and so much horrible had happened to both of us. and at that moment i realized what you had been in my life. my sunshine; my only sunshine. the skies had been grey for so long that i was afraid that i would never be able to love someone the way that i now love you. from all the past through all my future, i love you so deeply, something i never thought i would feel, and it scares me. it scares me to know that maybe i wasn't as hopeless as i liked to think. 030618
...
unhinged or that you would leave me
the way that you came
quietly deceiving


damn
my thoughts have centered on you these days
with nothing left but old memories to sustain them
memories of when i wrote things like this (above)
instead of things like this: self_mutilation

the fear that when you left
because that is always unavoidable
i could only return
to this
but with the added wistful wishing
that you were still here
050309
...
Clark Nova the murky tide of reality and the dynamic swirl of the hallucinations.

it's where the river meets the sea and it makes my mind ache.
050309
...
god yeah. merry xmas to us. 050310
...
unhinged las_veggggas 050310