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unhinged
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i_always_fuck_it_up
by picking the wrong one to go all in for. all my friends, my father, my ex have this ideal in their brains of who I should be with. my father just said the other day i need to 'move up the socioeconomic chain' with my dating. as if that has anything to do with my heart. *rollseyes*
i have spent most of my life alone, so i have rationally analyzed this problem as well as i can. i have had the opportunity to be with a professor, a banking computer tech (granted before he was a banking computer tech), in short smart successful sweet men higher 'up the socioeconomic chain' and i was just not attracted. i am still good friends with my old roommate; i have thought so many times my life would be so much easier right now if i would have just given in to the photographic_memory but i didn't have that kind of heart_pang for him. if anything, i have to be true to my heart.
i think the unluck stems from my sorespot for the underdog, wounded soul. if i could cure myself of this, believe me i would.
cause right now, my heart feels shrunken. and the little voice in my head is saying 'you idiot. you have no one to blame but yourself. you saw this one coming.' he is probably right; he is doing me a favor by letting_go but i will be incapable of loving someone else, someone new, for awhile. i have to let my heart get glued back together first. *sigh*
if only my rational mind and my heart could get together and find me someone. if_only
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