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unanswered_questions
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Piso Mojado
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we were sitting at the shadowlands table, outside the winter academic-fair, answering new students questions about the program. Eric telling me why he left Naropa and how William Blake was Allen Ginsberg's guru, when Matt walked by, engaged in the words and laughter of a pretty girl enticed by him.
I still don't know why Eric left Naropa. I don't know why Matt discarded me. I don't know why i'm stuck on this- he doesn't care, why should I?
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041201
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Piso Mojado
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(i wanted to rewrite this into flowing prose and beautiful words, but i realized that wouldn't be true to the event or to my emotions. so muddled and stilted it stays, a true copy of my confusion and hurt and passivity...
there is no beauty in being abandoned.
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041201
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eliza
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Q_As...
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041201
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0^0
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A with Q,
Q without A,
or both of the above...
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041201
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a thimble in time
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I'm starting to get jealous of this chum.
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041203
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Piso Mojado
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don't bother... he's not worth it- i'm having a hard time getting over him because of what his not wanting to be my friend represents in my mind. it's not just him rejecting me, it's the whole world. it's my failure at making friends. it's social ineptitude. it's the fear of driving people away. it's the idea that he liked who he thought i was initially, but then my overbearing emotions and instability and wants and desires came up and he saw who i really was, and ran.
his rejection of me makes the foundation of my social self-assurance crumble a little. which is something i would like to learn more about and change.
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041203
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a thimble in time
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I consider myself lucky if I've made one good friend a year.
F. Scott Fitzgerald was known for extending himself to emerging writers. He helped a certain Canadian writer get published without ever having met him.
Once this Canadian tried to visit the Fitzgeralds in Paris in order to thank them. The Fitzgeralds made dinner for the writer and his wife and then proceeded to get plastered. F. Scott started drinking martinis while standing on his head.
The Canadian and his wife made an early exit and went down to the Riviera for a couple of days.
When they came back to their Paris apartment, the landlady jumped on them saying, "this man and his wife came every day to look for you; they thought you had left."
As she was speaking, F. Scott came over with his wife. "I was so afraid we scared you away. You have to understand, there are just so few of us."
Getting lost in the crowd is easy and superficial, finding a good friend is the hardest thing in the world. There are just so few of us.
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041203
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nom
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questions_unanswered
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051113
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z
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what is?
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051115
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.
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anne-girl
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051115
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anne-girl
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take that back
reverse it
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051115
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