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tonight_now_kissed_opened_gone_terror
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peyton
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Hi there,
I know where you are.
It's okay.
It really hurts me.
But I can endure.
I wish you'd leave him.
But I know you can't.
He's special to me too.
In that way.
I can give you that space.
I can give you anything.
There's nothing that I can offer you.
But I'm still standing here.
I feel popular.
But it's all a sham.
I still wish you were here.
Instead of in there.
I missed you.
I meant everything I said.
Have I ever told you that you scare me?
You do.
You told me I would have made your day.
I won't forget that.
I meant everything I said.
You scare me so much.
Sometimes, I try hard to see you how others do.
But I can't.
I wonder what's going to happen.
But I'm afraid to hope.
I am really afraid to hope.
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
Instead of in there.
I really wish you were here.
I love our talks.
I hope I remember.
It makes me a little sad that it takes alcohol to open up.
I wish I could talk normally.
I wish you could too.
I'm still drunk.
It's taking me double the time to write this.
With double the misspellings.
But I can do okay.
She doesn't mean anything to me.
I know she likes me.
But it's just you I see.
Just you.
Only you.
Only you.
I woke up today thinking about you.
The same as yesterday.
You are terrifyingly beautiful.
Really.
You really are.
And I'm so scared.
Because if you're a monster.
Or a ghost.
Or something morbid.
Or a phantom.
Or making out with him right now.
Then love,
you're going to hurt me.
And it's been a while..
A long while..
A very long while.
But I won't go psycho.
Or nuts.
And I won't hurt you.
Or point my finger.
Like him.
But I will break.
And it will take me a long time to recover.
A unique kind of long.
I really don't want that.
But it's time to roll the dice.
And cash in on hope.
And I'll try to make this my year.
And your year.
And our year.
But who knows.
Maybe tomorrow the rubber band will snap.
And you'll realize that you'd rather have him.
Or someone else.
And I'll have to splinter against the wall.
And convince myself that you're disgusting.
I don't want that.
I really don't want that.
Because tomorrow I'll wake up to thoughts of you..
but you won't be here.
You'll be in there.
With him.
Being friends.
And friendly.
I remember your hair on my fingertips.
And how your eyes sparkled..
in a way I cannot recall,
(and I remember everything)
and I'll remember that.
Even if
this is all a mystery,
or a fabrication.
So here, love, while you watch something in there
without me
i'll type to you
what_i_want_to_say_but_cant
and hopefully
i'll burn so brightly
that some angel
or
some demon (that's how much I desire you)
will hear
and grant
some sort of wish to my plea
at 2:22
or 2:59
because Ali dear
tonight
is the ghost
and the torch
that I'm going to let freeze
and burn me to the ground.
Thinking of you,
me.
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051112
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rage
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that was beautiful. tonight now kissed opened gone terror and then it all came crashing down. i drink too much, i live in fantasy and give my self too much hope. he just called me weird. guess that about sums it up. tonight now kissed opened gone terror. this is the end of my vulnerable era.
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051113
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peyton
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i know what weird means
and dont be sorry that youre so intense
that when you speak
your pen goes right through the paper
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051113
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rage
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you just made my day :) intense, like when you have so much energy you just have to do something crazy, and end up in a situation where tonight now kissed opened gone terror.
(all i ever wanted was to be alive)
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051115
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