blather
to_an_end
birdmad if the news i'm going to hear tomorrow is any indication, i may finally be able to lay my fear of the month of February to rest.

For once the thing i am about to hear is, by all the indications good news related to my job

fuck knows that since roughly the age of 16 i have not walked away from that month without wishing i could forget some large chunk of it

for once, it seems i won't be getting dumped, fired, dumped, cheated on and dumped, beaten to a bloody pulp, robbed, dunped, sleeping in a park, losing a grandparent, having to spend half a paycheck on plumbing problems, having to commit or cover up a crime, getting psychoanalyzed by a hack, or trying to account for a weekend i can't remember from being so strung out.

and i say it's about goddamn time
040204
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grendel either that or i am about to become the but of some cruel version of a real-life "geico commercial"

i'll admit, my optimism is guarded, but it's there
040204
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bird 10% raise, reclassified to a slightly higher position

effective monday
040205
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Death of a Rose perfect! 040205
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birdmad and as if to take just a little bit of the wind out of my sails, the bus ride home was spent sitting next to a fairly cute, talkative recovering(? so she said but i wasn't so sure) speed-freak who, except for the darker hair color and being a bit thinner, looked an unsettling lot like one of the characters behind one of those events that have led me to dislike February... everything about the face, the voice and a lot of her personality and mannerisms seemed like an exact match.

she had been a hardcore tweaker too once, before i met her.

when soneone else got on needing a seat, i excused myself and got up to stand toward the back door...not missing a beat, she began chatting merrily away to the old woman who i gave up the seat for who smiled and nodded politely.

Hah.
years go by and something manages to pull her back to the surface of my memory just when i managed to go awhile without her even crossing the synapses in the furthest back corners of my head.

i feel stupid sometimes that i can't manage to just shut that door to that avenue of the_persistence_of_memory and seal it away and forget her once and for all

i've never been good at getting the fuck over it

today was a good day, but after all, what's a silver lining without the pre-requisite cloud?
040205
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birdmad A Means...

(joy_division)
040206
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Death Agrees I know what you mean Mr. Birdmad.

.
040208