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tired_inside
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this is my stream
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this sort of nervous fluttering in my heart... wonder what i should do... could be perfectly happy to skip class... but then why am i all up and ready... except for parking money which makes me so sick... my alarm going on made me feel sick... i want a new alarm clock... my consumer drive came back out of nowhere... started with shoes... now i want to go shopping just to shop... not that i deserve a day off... and will i go to my next class if i don't go to my first one?... lots of the same people... a little unfair to my partner not to go... but she almost replaced me after asking me to be her partner... and i'm not sure what we're doing today... and i don't want to anyway... i just want to avoid everything... but i need a job and i'm running out of money... there are no jobs around here.... this makes it hard... so i'm in this permanent buzzing stress filled feeling... i hate this feeling like i'm not doing enough but i really want to do even less... and why do i have to endure these periods... and what do i have to do to just be happy... and i'm afraid i won't like the class i'm working with... but i want to help them... maybe i should go do that instead of class... i'm so tired inside... i can never get enough sleep... and everything just wears... but i am committed to staying positive... to focus on knowing that i am capable of so much more than i am handling now... i believe in myself... but i'm so tired inside
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030225
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stork daddy
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it's not just inside. the world is tiring.
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030225
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no reason
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can't sleep due to whatever the fuck is wrong with me now
everyone knows this doesn't help
i am so tired so tired so tired of this i don't know what i'm going to do
but i know what i want to do
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071025
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sympathetic sally
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No, that's not what you want to do, if you are referring to *that*. What you want to do is live joyously, but it seems so unattainable that you contemplate dark alternatives. For undoubtably different reasons, I struggle with the same thing, from that internal_tiredness that makes one think one wants to lower the curtain... but that's never what one really wants, or is it? Maybe for some, it is.
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071025
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no reason
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i didn't necessarily mean *that*; i guess i didn't even really mean anything concrete...just the ending of the non-joyous things
an easy end
it's frustrating when you try everything you can but it's always something and no one knows what
i don't know
whatever
i need sleep
[thanks for listening, take care]
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071025
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unhinged
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snuffed_out
wake_up
get some smokey quartz and b vitamins
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071025
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falling_alone
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for the first time today i looked at these beautiful blue words on the recent page and said to myself i didn't want to blathe, i didn't even want to read.
am i that tired, or do i really have nothing to say anymore?
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071025
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thieums
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I see the people full of cheer
As I walk downtown
The birds are singing in a choir
But my heart is down
Down inside, deeper down,
Pulled down by something that has no name
And I feel tired inside
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080518
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